Wednesday, January 11, 2006

2005 Reflections

How can I summarize an entire year down into a short blog blurb? What should I say that is meaningful or influential? And what did I learn last year that I will take with me?

2005 was a year of growth more than anything. I moved out just a few days before 2005 began, and have been living with my two wonderful/crazy roommates since then. We have fought, laughed, loved, cried, played, pissed off, and supported each other every day. Rachel and Emily are probably two of the coolest roommates to have, and I love them both. At the moment. ;)

I worked hard in 2005, earning more money than in my two previous years combined (not to say I actually have any of that left after rent and food). I have had three different jobs, two of which I still have. For a short while I worked at the OSU Foundation as a telemarketer asking alumni for money. I hated that job and quit after 5 weeks. I am currently only working at the retirement facility on the weekends and on campus on the weekdays when I'm not in class.

2005 was a year for learning. I had my first great boyfriend, my first sleepover (shockingly I didn't really do this growing up), my first real party, my first load of laundry, my first home-cooked food, and my first drink. A few notes about those: my first load of laundry sounds kinda silly, considering my age, but when I lived at home, Mom didn't let me do my own laundry, and I never complained (and yes, I did help when I could). Jeff and Rachel showed me how to do laundry in a machine likely as old as me... laughing the whole time. I have since overcome my inability and manage to do laundry without turning my clothes pink (ha ha Rachel!). :) And the drinking part is sort of a misconception altogether. I'm really not that into it, but because drinking is a part of my culture and I am expected to know about alcohol, I am learning. Tasting. Not drinking to get drunk or to forget or whatever. Drinking responsibly and learning.

The last bit about 2005 is complicated and hard to put into words. I understand betrayal, deceit, frustration, and anger now. Circumstances put me in situations I didn't want to be in, and then, when I tried to make the best of those situations, they backfired on me and things became worse. I learned that I forgive too easily. I learned how important it is to be loyal. So few words would do any of this year justice... so I'll stop.

People told me quite a bit about being an adult in 2005. I think I have finally transitioned from childhood into adulthood, and I am sad. The moving Finding Neverland summarizes how much I never wanted to make that transition, but like Peter, we must all grow up. I'd like to think I transitioned gracefully, but I didn't. I was (and am) awkward, selfish, difficult, and resilient. But I know who I am and what I want. Hopefully, my confidence is clear without being obnoxious, though I'm sure it is. You know what, I'm okay with that, because I am who I am. And fuck you if you don't like me. You're going to miss out on someone pretty cool.

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