Saturday, April 22, 2006


I am not afraid of spiders. I have an irrational, uncontrollable phobia. There is a difference. My phobia of spiders is grounded in logic--I have been bitten twice. I am only phobic of two other things, heights and dogs. Not afraid. These are true phobias which I am incapable of controlling. I am not fond of snakes or water, but those things I can control and do fine around when I know I'm not in danger. Spiders and heights terrify me to no end.

So my friend, realizing this, tried to toss me out a window earlier this week. And last night, in an odd IM conversation, he tortured me with stories of spiders in my bed. NOT FUNNY. I seem to attract spiders. I already killed two this last week (which is a huge step for me to even get that close to kill them). My phobia is debilitating and paralyzing if the threatening arachnid is large enough. I have fainted upon sight of a spider, no kidding. Telling me fictitional stories about spiders means my overactive imagination is going to go into overdrive and I won't be able to function. NOT COOL.

You may laugh, but I'm sitting here shaking. My roommate came home a while ago as this IM conversation was concluding, and he was giving me the "are you sure you don't need some Haldol or a straightjacket" look. I'm too scared to sleep, too afraid to move from this chair, reaching out to my sad bloggy for comfort. And it makes me angry. I shouldn't be afraid, but I am. I understand I'm being irrational. But this is a phobia.

I'm mad at myself for being irrational. But I'm even more angry that someone would disregard my repeated attempts to quiet him so that I may sleep soundly the night before a very important test. Teasing is one thing, but being an ass simply for the sake of being mean is pretty bad. Joke taken too far. NOT HAPPY.

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