Friday, May 26, 2006

Carlin-isms

Why is it whenever we get dizzy we put our wrist or fingers to our forehead? Like that miraculously makes us feel better or is going to stop the room from spinning...

(The rest are George Carlin)

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

Here’s another question I have. How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we’re better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? ‘Cause chickens are decent people. You don’t see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No, you don’t see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When’s the last chicken you heard about come home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn’t happen, ’cause chickens are decent people.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.

Swimming is not a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning! That's just common sense!

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

"Meow" means "woof" in cat.

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