Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Unspoken Block

When I attended youth group toward the end of high school, we'd always discuss how God had created "openings and blocks" in our lives that week. While youth group didn't do much for me in the way of religion, this particular activity stuck in my mind. I'd like to be able to share all the ways God opens my life, but the list is far too long. However, today I understood I was dealt quite a block. The worst part is, I can't discuss it in my bloggy--the person/people concerned read my blog. While honesty is incredibly important to the survival of my blog, I'm afraid I won't be able to say anything nice or productive, so it is best to not say anything at all. Understand that this must remain an "unspoken block."

Current mood: vengeful. And I'm angry that I want revenge, because I'm not that kind of person. And then I get even more angry that I'm angry--because "he who angers you controls you," and I'm allowing myself to be controlled by the person/people causing my wrath.

I don't know how to fix the situation, not sure what went wrong in the first place, and I can't seem to figure out why I feel so... pissed off about it all because it's stupid.

My back is a pile of knots from my neck all the way down my spine. Spent some time with a friend again tonight for a bit - thought that might help, but I'm still mad. And now I need a massage... or a stiff drink... or more drugs... or all three. :)

Rule number one: DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. That includes telling others what to do about me or with me. I DO *NOT* APPRECIATE IT.

No comments: