Thursday, June 29, 2006

Down and Out

I cannot even begin to describe how depressed I am right now.

After contacting TSPC today, I found out that I won't be able to substitute teach next year even with a bachelor's degree. In this state, you must have a master's degree to teach full time anywhere. The only exception is if a school district wants to hire you and is willing to apply for the prospective teacher's licensure. OSU denied my graduate school application. I might still be able to apply at WOU, but their program isn't nearly as good. And I still need to pass the PRAXIS II (scores are not back yet, but I'm pretty sure I failed at least the essay section).

I have a worthless degree. "General Science" is a pre-professional degree. What's worse is that my best classes and highest grades (read: my "A" classes) were all outside my college. The problem is that it looks like I'm incompetent in science, but the truth is, it is the only thing that challenges me, it is the only thing I really love to learn. This fact does not show through on my transcript or résumé. Unfortunate, but true.

Living with my parents - something I swore I would never do again - and am often reminded why it is a bad idea. Unemployed... granted, I did leave my last job willingly, but it was time. And I have no friends in this little town. Nothing to do, no place to go...

So depressed. And I'd feel sorry for myself, but really, it's all my own fault. It feel like I've backed myself into a corner; I want out, but there is this unknown force of unknown strength standing in my way. ...so incredibly depressed.

1 comment:

crallspace said...

This too shall pass. Remember those words.

I get pretty down about once every 2-3 weeks and there is really no external purpose. I just live with it then embract the fact that it won't be long til I'm up again.


But that does suck, with OSU and the state rule, etc. Hope things look up.

We are 2 diff. people but you know what I would do if I were you? Go to Iceland or Scandanavia...maybe another European country and teach English. SOme places have a high demand for that. I swear I would do that, but I can't teach nor can I relate to children.