Monday, June 05, 2006

I Won't Compete

My friends will all be graduating with honors. Congratulations!

I, on the other hand, will have not quite a 3.0 GPA at commencement. I'd love to say I wanted a higher GPA... but it never really mattered to me, the one little number. I worked hard though college, always working two jobs, sometimes not having a day off for months at a time. I put myself through college, taking out loans and living at home the first two years. I was on two scholarships--which helped a ton. While some kids have high GPAs in their majors, are very focused on studying one thing, and work really hard at learning all the can about what they want to do in life, I took a slightly different route.

General Science degrees are pretty open. I wanted a degree that would allow me to have a most well-rounded education. I've taken everything from biology to chemistry, from history to english. Sadly, my higher scores were outside the sciences, but conversely, science is the only place where I feel challenged, which is why I am a science geek! Yay for challenges!

I busted my ass throughout high school, taking the hardest classes I could fit into my schedule, attaining the highest scores in every class (it wasn't enough to simply have an A, I had to have the highest A). In four years, I took eighteen honors classes, four more than any other student in my graduating class, and two classes short of a double honor's diploma. I was less than a credit from having SIX additional specializations (I had two already), mostly because I took a lot of different stuff. All of this work got me NOTHING. I don't remember any of it, other than that I worked really hard. No money, zero praise, nothing. Oooh, and I didn't have a social life or friends either.

When I got to college, I approached my classes in the same way... the first term. But because I never had to study in high school, I didn't know how to study in college. Also, since attaining great scores got me no where previously, I didn't really see the benefit in doing the whole thing over again.

I have nothing to prove with my grades. The knowledge exists, I can tell you what I know. I don't feel the need to fill in little bubbles on a Scantron sheet to show you I can guess which answer you are looking for. I'm not out to be the best, not out to win the grade war. I came to college to learn, to postpone work four more years, to experience a different way of thinking, to get out of Lebanon... not get a totally ridiculous GPA.

The same goes for my music: I have the ability and current knowledge to play something on the order of thirty instruments (woodwinds, percussion, piano). Not bad for a kid of 22. But I won't compete. I'm not out to be the best musician or tell you how much you suck or whatever... I will never be "great" at music. I don't want to be that good - I'd probably end up hating it. I don't play because someone tells me to, or because I want to learn: I play for me.

Don't get down on me for having average grades or not showing off my talent--it's not the way I do things. Nothing to prove, nothing to hide, just me being me.

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