Monday, July 24, 2006

"I Want To Be You" or do I?

These long days off during the summer have me watching more TV than I probably should, though still less than two hours each day (well down from summers past when I'd watch twelve or more). What happened to MTV? Seriously, are there music videos on at all anymore? What's with all this fake glamour, platinum blond airhead models, and popped collars? The show I find most intriguing is, "I Want To Be You." One person admires another and asks them if the "better" person will teach them how to be "better" in two days. Train-wreck factor for me... I'm kinda hooked on the show. Not because I like the idea, but the people that need help don't actually need that much help to be cool.

Are we now, as a society, so incredibly materialistic and greedy that we've moved into wanting not only every object for ourselves, but other personalities too? "I don't like who I am, so I'm going to hang out with you and try to assume your life to make me feel better about who I will never really be." I don't have a problem with people trying to change themselves, that's a really cool goal. I've changed, you've changed, we do that. But on MTV?

So then I asked myself, out of curiosity (because I do that sometimes), "Jaggy, if you could tap anyone on the shoulder and ask them to teach you how to be them in two days, who would you tap?" I thought a long time. Dozens of names came to mind: celebrities, friends, family... there are a few traits from certain individuals that I truly admire, but they also have faults I would not want to trade. I reflected on my friends, the kids I went to high school with, even enemies ( of him). But there is no one person I'd tap. I've worked a long time molding the ball of clay I call myself into this unique shape named "Jaggy." I really like who I am, the ideas I have, the traits I possess, the image I project...

Sometimes people say things to us earlier in our lives, and the quote sticks with us, but we don't realize it until much later. One of my grade-school teachers told me, "Jaggy, you set a standard and stick to it. You never deviate from yourself even in the face of conflict or emotional injury. Your determination to remain true to yourself should be an example to many adults." And for my last birthday, my one enemy wrote, "You exemplify those things which I continually hope to achieve in myself: honesty, respect, and conviction. You do not fold to the easy comforts or white lies or half-truths. While I am perennially scared to tell people things that might cause them transitory discomfort, you are always there to prove it really is better to be upfront with people... I am jealous of your ability to do the right thing, even when you know that someone will be made unhappy by it..."

There will always be things about myself I want to change. I am wholly a work-in-progress. I will never be perfect, and I will always admire someone for something; it's inevitable. :)

I don't want to be you. :) You're cool, don't get me wrong... I know that you (YES YOU!) are a totally fantastic person with a ton to offer. But if I were you, I wouldn't be me, and you wouldn't be you, ... and we'd be on MTV... *horror*

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