Thursday, September 28, 2006

3 In a Day!

I have three interviews today, all at quite different places in the mid-valley. THREE! In one day! So to make you laugh just a little bit today, I'm posting some of my FAKE (totally untrue and completely false, but funny!) answers to fictional interview questions. :D

-What do you see as important factors in order to successfully manage a project? 'Every good project begins with delegating responsibility to everyone else, taking the afternoon off to go fishing, extending the deadline four times, and shifting blame to other people.'

-What is the most important thing you could bring to this job? 'More gossip. I know everything that happens in the whole city, so I’m very good at passing on partially-true outdated information.'

-Please describe what you enjoyed most about your present or past jobs. Be specific. '
My favorite job was great. I went in about 9am, checked and wrote personal e-mails for an hour, did five minutes of work, then left for a half-hour break. I went back to work and surfed the Internet for an hour, did a few easy tasks, and left at 11am for lunch. Approximately two hours later, I returned to check and write more personal e-mails and used the company telephone to make long-distance phone calls to friends and relatives. Sometimes I worked for an hour in the afternoon, but most of the time I left early, say 3pm to go hiking or just goof off with friends.'

-Describe what you have disliked about your present or past jobs. Be specific. '
I didn’t like working. I didn’t like having to be there every day for the full duration of my shift, answering stupid questions from insane people, and getting paid far below my level of competency.'

-Do you have any questions for us? '
How much vacation will I be able to use weekly? Do you provide a company vehicle that I will be able to use as my personal vehicle to go off-roading in? Will I be allowed to show up late with a hangover at least three times per week? How quickly will I be promoted to the rank of supervisor, or will I have to sleep my way to the top?'

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