Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Battle Scars

I finally had the motivation to confront my ex and ask him why he broke up with me. I feel better hearing from him that I didn't do anything wrong. I also feel better now about walking away from the friendship he claimed to want. His definition of friendship obviously differed from mine, and once I realized I wasn't really losing a friend so much as letting go of something I never had, I felt a lot better.

I think I started this paragraph ten different ways, each one more cruel than the last... being mean won't help. It's over, and I'm moving on without a friend. I am sad that he doesn't want to live up to being my friend, but I refuse to tarnish the friendships I have to keep someone who hasn't earned the title 'friend.'

Not to totally put myself up on a pedestal, but I deserve better, and I can do better. My friends are telling me this, too. Eh, his loss. :)

~*~*~*~*~*~

I wrote this poem a while ago, not really about one person specifically as I combined several experiences into one idea. I wasn't going to publish it, but in an effort to keep things here open and honest, I'm working on emptying out the "drafts" folder.

too many unanswered
..........questions
too angry to
.......... see through
.................... unsaid lies
always too busy
.......... to stop your
.................... vaguely important life
too eager to forget
.......... what you had
.................... and never wanted
too idle the conversation and
.......... false the kindness
too many passing glances
.......... followed only by
.................... callous indifference
too often jumping
.......... to wrong conclusions
...........blaming myself
.................... for your foolishness
too quickly I played the game
.......... buying into your
.................... boyish smile
too late did I realize
.......... your power to hurt
too many lies and
.......... unanswered questions

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