Monday, May 29, 2006

Surfing and Caching

I'm not sure what the official greeting for Memorial Day is ("Happy Memorial Day" is definitely not correct), but I hope your day was special in some way, be it vacationing or remembering loved ones.

Today I went to the coast with a friend and one of his classmates. The boys went surfing (they're in a surfing class at school). While they were out on the water I sat/layed/slept/studied on some driftwood on the beach. Ordinarily, the Oregon Coast is a torrential downpour with gusty winds and snobby tourists. Today was perfect. 60° and sunny, light winds coming off the ocean, deserted beaches, tide out while I was there... oh man, it was rough. I had a delightful time entertaining myself while the boys were out. They surfed almost two hours before we headed inland and back to the car. We took off north a couple miles and I introduced the boys to my favorite sport, Geocaching.

First cache was a doozy: I'd searched for the same one a year ago, but couldn't find it. This time was different. :) Took some encouragement and help from the boys, kind of... but I found this one. Very sweet 50c ammo can! Next we went to Beverly Beach and nabbed two caches near there. The last one was at the Otter Crest Scenic Viewpoint - a truly ingenious hide! The boys seemed to enjoy their time hunting for treasure. :) Score: 100% YAY!

We lunched on the south jetty at Yaquina Bay, then battled traffic home. I'm beat, but happy. Was a fun day with too much sun and a lot of hilly climbs that left my knee in anguish. Time to go drink daquiris!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Mr. Cellophane

I had plans tonight, plans on a Saturday night, plans out with a boy, a boy I've liked for quite some time, but then, after getting all beautiful and looking fine, he called me to say he'd rather go with someone else. Stood up again, the list numbers one more... don't know what I'm doing wrong... so I made myself a splendid dinner and stuck in a movie - the best of my situation - and ate some of my sweet chocolate cake. I'd rather have the cake than the boy anyhow.

Chicago: Mr. Cellophane (abridged)
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him

If someone in the movie show
Yelled "Fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there...

Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Carlin-isms

Why is it whenever we get dizzy we put our wrist or fingers to our forehead? Like that miraculously makes us feel better or is going to stop the room from spinning...

(The rest are George Carlin)

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

Here’s another question I have. How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we’re better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? ‘Cause chickens are decent people. You don’t see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No, you don’t see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When’s the last chicken you heard about come home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn’t happen, ’cause chickens are decent people.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.

Swimming is not a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning! That's just common sense!

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

"Meow" means "woof" in cat.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Social Warfare

I am bitter and frustrated due to a certain individual, and then partially another person for assisting the first jerk.

He doesn't care about me at all--which is fine, people don't have to like me--but he seems to care at times, only now I see through the lies and perfidious façade. I gave him control over me in a backhanded way, and he has used it wrongly and for his own gain (which is partially my own fault). He uses me as a source of entertainment, a weekly gossip-fest of his own creation. Furthermore, he stands in my way of something important, something I have so long desired and is finally within my reach, and I am denied such grand things merely at his say-so. I'm completely unaware of what I have done to deserve such scorn and contempt. While I am willing to talk with him about things, he avoids me at every possible opportunity, refusing to even look at me--which makes open and honest conversation impossible. He may think he is my friend, but how can I be friends with someone who treats me so poorly?

Why am I so angry at him for attempting (and succeeding) to control my social life? Because being social has always been extraordinarly difficult for me, because I want so dearly to be included, because the other person agreed and helped him succeed in discluding me.

Am I justified in my anger? Most certainly. Granted, he has the right to select who he does or does not hang out with, but I have done nothing wrong to him. I do not understand why he feels the way he does. As with his right to chose his company, I have the right to do what I want with my friends. The problem lies in the fact that we have several of the same friends--so he doesn't want me around him or them when I have every right to be there too. And the fact that another person would agree to help him out by not including me--not out of loyalty, but out of amusement: they don't invite me so they can talk about me! If I am to be a source of entertainment, I demand that I am at least present to defend myself. Right to bear arms, right to trial by jury, right to face my accusers... it's in the Bill of Rights!

What do I seek? Understanding and open, honest communication (no lies, no agendas). I also want my social life unhindered by him--I want the opportunity to go out and have fun with my friends regardless of him.

So long I've wanted what I am so close to having, and will lose as school ends anyway... its important to me to be as social now as I can be, to get out and DO things, BE with people, laughing and having fun... and yet I am home, alone, again... I don't want to invite myself along on these outings, that wouldn't be proper at all, so I'm really confused and bitter about the whole thing.

Ralph Watts

Ralph: a thousand thank-yous for every moment you shared your wisdom, incredible stories, and love with me. I am honored to have known you. You will be missed. Read: obituary.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Unspoken Block

When I attended youth group toward the end of high school, we'd always discuss how God had created "openings and blocks" in our lives that week. While youth group didn't do much for me in the way of religion, this particular activity stuck in my mind. I'd like to be able to share all the ways God opens my life, but the list is far too long. However, today I understood I was dealt quite a block. The worst part is, I can't discuss it in my bloggy--the person/people concerned read my blog. While honesty is incredibly important to the survival of my blog, I'm afraid I won't be able to say anything nice or productive, so it is best to not say anything at all. Understand that this must remain an "unspoken block."

Current mood: vengeful. And I'm angry that I want revenge, because I'm not that kind of person. And then I get even more angry that I'm angry--because "he who angers you controls you," and I'm allowing myself to be controlled by the person/people causing my wrath.

I don't know how to fix the situation, not sure what went wrong in the first place, and I can't seem to figure out why I feel so... pissed off about it all because it's stupid.

My back is a pile of knots from my neck all the way down my spine. Spent some time with a friend again tonight for a bit - thought that might help, but I'm still mad. And now I need a massage... or a stiff drink... or more drugs... or all three. :)

Rule number one: DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. That includes telling others what to do about me or with me. I DO *NOT* APPRECIATE IT.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Old People Friends

Friend (n): a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

I have always had a hard time meeting people and making friends. The very few friends I do have are incredible people that I've known for quite a while (over ten years in a couple cases). My friendships run deep and true, carefully bonded and maintained.

People ask me if I ever get lonely with so few friends. I always reply, no, not really. My close friends are good at keeping me out of despair. I have some friends my own age and some that are much older than me.

More than anything, I take a lot of teasing for having "old people" as friends. Indeed, they are old. They are in their 70s, 80s, even 90s... they have lived long lives full of adventure, struggle, success, and laughter. I work for them, and I am happy to serve them. They are my friends. I know them, I like them, and I trust them. Often, I seek their advice and wisdom about my own life--especially about big things like boys and work and dancing. Times have changed considerably in a few years... so sometimes I have to take what they say with a grain of salt, but the love we share is unlike anything I can explain. Old people are just... cool.

I love my job. I love my residents. I hate it when they die. But that's part of the job and part of life. My friends have a higher turn-over rate than most people. I've lost many close friends. But I knew that when I befriended them. It's a chance and risk I'm willing to live with. I would rather have a GREAT friend for a short time to share my life with than to never have that relationship in the first place.

Don't tell me "old people are not your friends." They are my dear friends, and I am proud to say I have old people as well as young people as my friends.

Gone Swimming

Last night I went swimming. To anyone else this wouldn't be a big deal at all, but for me it was pretty huge. I never took swimming lessons (not voluntarily or successfully anyway), and haven't spent hardly any time in the water. But last night Emily and I went with Tony and a friend to the hot tub at Dixon. After a short time we all got too warm and the boys decided to go off the diving board. So Emily and I went over to watch at the edge of the pool. Deep pool. I'm not very fond of deep water. But seeing everyone else having a grand time, I decided to go in as well. Surprisingly (even to myself), I'm not half-bad in water. I can tread quite successfully, float nicely back and front, and can move around. If that qualifies me as "swimming," I'll take it, but I'm still not very good. If I'd had goggles to protect my contacts, I'd have gone under a lot more, but that was not an option last night. So yeah, 'Jaggy'... swimming... it's a new concept for me. I survived! and perhaps I will go again soon.

Maybe next time I'll have to fake drowning so a handsome boy will come by and rescue me...hahahaha, no. To cry wolf about drowning is not funny... lesson learned.

but SWIMMING! who would have guessed?!

Temptation

I've been sitting on this post for a while, but the time has come to let it out into the world. No real reason why I'm doing it today, just finished it and feel like publishing something worthwhile for once.

What is temptation? Why is temptation inherently evil? Is there a way to overcome temptation while still reaping the benefits of the situation? Why are we taught to resist temptation?

I begin with a definition-
tempt (v): 1. to entice to do wrong by promise of pleasure or gain; 2. to cause to be strongly inclined; 3. to be attractive or inviting.

So the word itself has a negative connotation by the first definition... but is all temptation bad? Should we really resist all temptation? I argue no, never tempt fate, and some other stuff.

Is the act of tempting in itself sinful? Or is the act of being tempted sinful? Perhaps the sinful part is the sin with which one is being tempted. Example: Is it wrong to be tempted to drive too fast? No, this is normal. Is it wrong to tempt someone else to drive too fast? Maybe. Is it wrong to actually drive too fast? Certainly. But what harm comes of driving too fast on open, empty, straight roads in broad daylight with no obstructions? What harm comes of driving fast on a motor speedway? There is a time and place for driving fast without the threat of sin.

To be tempted is not evil. To be tempted is to be human. We are all tempted by something sooner or later. I'm frequently tempted by all sorts of things. If the temptation has consequences, I try to figure out what those may be, and then I decide if the consequences are worth the action. Generally, yes, they are. :) My relationship with God is strong and true. In the face of death, so often I have been angry, but even when I am unhappy with the way things go, I retain my faith. I don't need fancy prayers to tell God I'm not pleased with His ways... He knows. And I don't need to tell him thanks for something positive, though often I will. I trust Him. And I trust Him to not lead me astray. I trust myself as well to make the right decisions for me regarding my own life.

1 Cor 10:16:
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.

James 1:13-14:
13 And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either. 14 Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires.

But what if our desires are not EVIL? What if we want things that are pure and true, but still tempting? At what point does "like" become "love"? Where does the line between passion and sin fall?

It is wrong to worship any idols, including material possessions, yet we are so tempted to put more faith in that which we can touch than in something we cannot see. To prize what we have been given is wrong.

I have many questions and few answers, but I am young and learning. As for now, my motto is good: Resist what is truly evil, not that which you were meant to enjoy. To murder, to plunder, to pillage and wrath, these things are evil. To love, to enjoy each day, to live honestly and safely without reservation of action, this I will do.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

No Sleep

With very few exceptions, this month has been the month of little sleep. I'm operating on four to six hours of sleep every day, seven days a week lately, and it's killing me. I'm very tired.

My weekend was not good. After the syncope episode Saturday morning, I worked all day in a hot kitchen and wore myself out. Visited with Mom and Dad a bit in the afternoon, then drove back home and dinked around a bit before crashing hard for a couple hours. I was so exhausted and asleep that I slept through my phone ringing--which I've never done--and only woke up because I was expecting a friend over after his dance ended. He came over at 10pm, we watched a movie, and I finally got back to bed at 1am. Awake again at 4:30am; the first news I got at work was that one of my favorite residents passed away in the middle of the night. I will post a better response to that later--have been too numb to really feel much of anything today. He will be missed.

I'm not online much today, so if you have my number and want to call me for any reason, go ahead. Any time, chances are I am awake...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Syncope - Lucky Me!

I need a hug!

Today was very long, not because work was bad or anything, but because I had a very difficult morning getting to work. I got up at 4:45 for work, went into the bathroom to get ready, and was trying to poke in my contacts when I began to lose my peripheral vision. I wasn't concerned until I realized I was swaying a lot, then I really lost my vision and knew I was going to faint. I groped blindly along the wall until I found my bedroom carpet - which ended up finding me in a hurry. My watch and best guess puts me at "out cold" for about five minutes. Scary. I'm no stranger to being lightheaded and having to lay down, but this came out of no where. I didn't have time to call for a replacement, not that any could have been found anyway, so I drove to work (20 miles away), and then worked all day on my feet. I'm exhausted, but doing well now. Work was hard to get through though, so I'm going to take it easy the rest of the day.

I need a hug.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Out to the Bar

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now - and I will be soon because I'm literally falling over tired - but I feel the need to get this out right now.

Tonight was HILARIOUS! I laughed so hard, learned a ton, and was *gasp* social! Emily and I went out with some friends to McMenamin's until very late. I have never really had a good time in a bar, but tonight... wow... I will have sore abs tomorrow from laughing so much. Tonight was special. :) I am glad I went.

Much thanks goes to Emily for saving me from the man-eating spider tonight. Oh, and thanks goes to Emily again for her AMAZING pizza and (later) chocolate pizza. YUMMY!

I need to sleep. Now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Best Girlfriend Ever

Let me begin by saying one very important thing: I am not perfect! I have flaws and bad habits and do things wrong sometimes. BUT... otherwise I'm a pretty awesome girl. And I make a really great girlfriend. I have devised a list of reasons why any guy would be lucky to have me. Enjoy!

I am:
  • respectful: at all times to anyone. Shouldn't have to say it...but I am respectful.
  • giving. Too much so, I'm told, but I give to those I love, especially time and food.
  • funny. Laugh at me, laugh with me, doesn't matter as long as you're laughing.
  • loyal to the end, no questions asked. I will love unconditionally from the moment I begin to love you, and it's pretty hard for me to walk away from someone after that point.
  • honest. You know what you'll get out of me right away. I don't play games, I don't like games, I don't like to lie about who I am.
  • a good listener. I realize that if a guy is talking to me, he's not looking for a solution or my advice or opinions, nor does he care about my experiences. Just someone to listen.
  • sorta girly, sorta not. I do know when to be feminine and when to dress down.
  • adventurous. I like seeing new things, especially seeing old things in new ways. Off-road wonders are totally awesome--touristy places kinda irk me.
  • intelligent. Looking for help? conversation? support? I'm a smart girl.
  • intelligent. I know when to keep my mouth shut. Usually.
  • handy around the house. Need to hang a picture but don't have the time? ME! I can use power tools as well as any guy (that darn hammery thingy kinda hurts though).
  • organized and clean. I really enjoy cleaning! Please let me clean for you! (but I won't clean up after you - pick up your own damn messes)
  • interested in what you have, enjoy, and desire. I support your endeavours, especially those than I can enjoy or desire with you.
  • confident. Check out this list! I know what I have to offer. I'm totally awesome! ;)
  • anti-nagging. I try VERY hard not to nag people about stuff. No nagging allowed.
  • understanding. You can't read my mind. I get that. So I don't lay hints. I understand that you're a simple being. Yup, I understand.
  • a good cook/baker, and I love to make food for people. You will never go hungry in my house as long as I'm there - brownies! cookies! cake! chocolate!!! and anything potato-y.
  • fun, but I am not a party-goer. My fun is low-key and friendly, not drunk.
  • independent. I have my own stuff, my own goals, my own ideas. I can keep busy without you, and I don't always need to be hanging on you to be happy or secure. Though I am awfully fond of cuddling at night...
  • HOT! oh, did I say that out loud? Whoops. Well, I suppose I am fairly good looking... not a bad body in any sense, and I take pretty good care of myself. I'd attempt describing me, but I think you should just check me out yourself.
Anything I missed? Hmm, okay, there you have it, a few reasons why I make a totally awesome girlfriend. Ask me out if you think I'm qualified to be yours... but keep in mind, you better fit my Recipe for the Perfect Man too.

Monday, May 15, 2006

ZIM and Dancing

Wow, it has been over a week since I posted a non-themed blog post... things have been pretty busy. First: site maintenance at right, notice the new links. Just a few of my favorite sites... but then again, I'm a freak! :) Ferry Halim Games are fun and simple to learn - pretty repetitive but still, fun when there is little else to do.

I AM ZIM! Okay, so I'm not, but at a friend's urging, and at my roommate's convenience, I have begun the "gruling" task of watching every Invader Zim episode. It's a rough life...

So much dancing, so little time. I have danced every day this last week, hours each day. I learned to Viennese Waltz, Hustle, and more Lindy Hop this week... lots of fun at the practice sessions trying out the new steps (more often than not, it's just funny to fail in my feeble attempts). Saturday night was another formal dance. I wore my black and red dress, did my hair up all purty, and even painted my nails (oh the problems that has caused me). Oddly, I didn't receive many compliments on my "costume." Not that I should ever expect that, but I was sorely disappointed in the lack of gentlemanly behavior, especially from my better friends. Not all was lost: I danced EVERY SONG. Boys were pulling me off the wall to dance stuff I'd never done before... I learned a lot of West Coast Swing, so now I don't completely suck at that one. My favorite dances were both waltzes: I danced a Viennese Waltz as a super-fast silver with a guy no taller than me, so we were pretty much just running around the ballroom as fast as we could in step. Oh my gosh, that was hard! We both commented that it felt like running a mile in four minutes - both breathing hard by the end, but we survived and laughed a lot afterward. The last waltz was delightful as well; I managed to follow every step without backleading. I really enjoyed my salsa dances, hustles, and other stuff too. *sigh* I love dancing!

Worked all weekend, didn't really sleep at all... I've had about twelve hours of sleep since Thursday morning (it's Monday, mid-afternoon), and I was wearing contacts ALL of the time I was awake, so my eyes are tired and sore. But everything I've done was worth the lost sleep. I had a great weekend.

I watched "The New World"--skip this movie! I feel more stupid having seen it than I did before I watched the movie. The historical accuracy leaves much to be desired, and while the scenes are beautiful, the sounds are obnoxious and ... just weird.

*sigh* it's in the mid-90's outside, so it's nearly a billion degrees in here... shirtless o'clock indeed! I'm having ice cream for lunch -- YAY!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Stairs

I do not like stairs.

I have never liked stairs.

Allow me to explain: stairs represent the path one must travel to reach a higher or lower elevation on a walkway, generally inside a building, but also found in other places. I have acrophobia. I am afraid of heights to an uncontrollable degree of fear. Let me put it delicately: stepladders are too high for me. Don't EVEN get me started on open staircases where one can see through the steps... oh no, those are NOT an option under any circumstances. When I attempt to traverse stairs, I risk either falling down the stairs or falling up the stairs (which then results in falling down the stairs). I have fallen down stairs--it hurts. No, I don't think you understand. It hurts. Like falling on the ground but over and over and over again until you really are on the ground. Sharp, pointy steps with grip tape suck the most--they're like skin-chewing, bruise-causing nightmares for me.

I am physically capable of going up stairs. I have done it before; I will do it again. But sometimes I don't make it all the way up a flight of stairs without stumbling awkwardly. Not sure what happens, but I don't see the steps. They all become one and I can't see them anymore. I think it has something to do with the way my eyes and brain interpret what I'm seeing as the visual images are captured and processed. In any case, I falter frequently on stairs.

And then stairs just hurt. I have a bad knee (about which I could give you details but will spare you). Nevermind that I feel wrong using an elevator for less than four stories. I'd rather stumble than look lazy pushing the "2nd Floor" button from the ground floor. Ugh. Stupid, evil stairs.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Trust Me

I trust myself without question to make the right choices, decisions, and assumptions about my life and world around me. Why can't you do the same? I'm logical and rational, cool-headed, thoughtful, and inquisitive. If I have questions, I ask them. I've spent a long time trying to figure myself out and understanding why I am the way I am. I know me, and I trust me.

Furthermore, if you are trying to gather information about me or wonder how I'll react to a situation, rather than going to friends or family to ask them about me, just ask me. There is not a question on this planet I won't answer honestly. If you want to know about me, ASK! I won't get mad if you ask me a stupid question, a silly question, a personal question... if I don't know you very well or I find you don't really need the information, I may choose to decline answering, but at least I will be honest with you about it.

If I say I'm going to do something, I'll do it. Sometimes it takes me a few days if your request is trivial (like me pirating crappy music for you), but I will get the job done and done well. If I say I'm not going to do something, take that at face value--I won't do it. My word is my bond, never given without thought and faith. Trust me, I won't lead you astray. Sure, I might get you lost on some adventure in the mountains... but I will get you out alive or die trying.

Please trust me. Especially when I have given you no reason to not trust me. I can handle whatever you toss in my direction. I will be okay, and if I'm not, I will find a way to make the best of my situation. Trust me. Please.

Monday, May 08, 2006

I'm Stupid

I said I'd never blog about three things: religion, politics, and my menstrual cycle. Well, I've sort of blogged about religion, though I never discussed any themes or beliefs, only peripheral church-y stuff. And I still refuse to discuss politics on here because I won't use my blog as a political soapbox. But the other one... I have to take a moment here to tell you something. I'm stupid. :)

My menstrual cycle is awesome. I don't experience PMS or get bitchy or whiny or anything. Rarely will I have associated cramping or whatever else some women experience. It is clockwork perfect, generally speaking. I can usually tell when "that time" is coming, and it seemed like it was for the last week, but ... nothing. Which is frustrating and scary when you expect it. So I've been freaking out for a week thinking I'm late. Not like I could be pregnant (sheer geekiness is the best form of birth control, let me tell you). But it's still really, really stressful. I grabbed my calendar to see when my last cycle was... holy freaking crap, I was freaking out for nothing. All stressed out for no reason. ARRRRRRRRGH!

I feel stupid. And part of me would rather be stressed than thinking I'm just plain stupid. But what can I do? There you have it, a post about something I never thought I'd talk about. But I had to write this one down.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Weekend of Mixed Blessings

This weekend has been an amazing conglomeration of awesome events and dreadful experiences. I'm thankful I survived though, and I have a couple good stories to tell you!

Beginning Friday afternoon: I was on a pretty big high after the motorcycle ride through the valley--completely recharged my love of the farms and people here. The bad part about this experience was that I dried out my nasal passages enough to cause pretty nasty nosebleeds for two days. The first one caught me totally off guard and bled almost half an hour. I'm still wary of sneezing today, but doing much better. A friend came over to watch a movie for a bit before leaving, then a different friend came over later and we watched a different movie. I went to bed at 11:30pm and got up Saturday morning at 4:30 for work.

Saturday at work, one of the residents (who was a dance instructor in her early days) gave me a book as a "parting gift" (she has about a month left before she dies), Arthur Murray's How to Become a Good Dancer. The copy is an original edition complete with a book jacket. I very much appreciated her kind and thoughtful gift and promptly wrote her a thank-you which I delivered to her at work today. Work today was boring and long, mostly because it was a slow Sunday. I like those days though. :)

Saturday afternoon after work, I went to my mom's parents' house in Albany to visit with them for a bit. I don't see Grandma and Grandpa very often, and Grandma is sick right now. Grandpa just slept while I was there--common for him since he has Parkinson's Disease and related dementia. Grandma and I chatted for a bit, but she was distracted by my parents and aunt, so I didn't stay very long. They really need to move into a retirement facility, or at least have someone besides my mom and her siblings around the house. I have considered the cost/benefit of moving in there myself to help them, but I fear even with my experience at work, I will not be of much help. Something to think about...

The high point of my weekend was Saturday night. I spent some time with a friend, and we had a great time. ...that's all I have to say, it was just fun.

The low point was definitely this evening. I was headed out the door to go dancing, but my stomach hurt and I had a headache, and then I looked at my car and realized my tire was flat. Shit. Well, I've never been in a situation like this. Automatic response to car issues? Call Dad. So I called Dad. He wasn't very enthusiastic about helping (well, he was animated, but not nicely) and gave me a few options. I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to get the tire off myself, so I had my roommate help me switch the flat tire for the spare (after we re-engineered the car jack). I loved the fact that my hands were covered in grease, dirt, and grime! :) I hated the whole flat tire part quite a bit though. Hopefully the tire can be saved and fixed instead of being replaced--it is less than 10,000 miles old and is a very nice (read: expensive) tire. I feel partly responsible since I drive the car, but who knows how this happened... grrrrrrr!

I've had seven hours of sleep in three days, my car is broken, and my head hurts. But I feel loved (smile), fed, and warm... it has been a weekend of mixed blessings.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Bliss

A friend took me riding tonight on his motorcycle. We had an amazing time riding through some hills and curves as the sun was going down... words will not work here, but it was kinda like that feeling I get when I find a Geocache:

BLISS

(: Oh yeah, I'm smiling. :)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Potential Stalker

I am generally pretty logical and reserved when it comes to my surroundings. I'm not afraid of being at home alone, nor do I get frightened when I'm in the dark in a familiar place. That said, I don't particularly like being home alone overnight, but I also live in a rather "sketch" neighborhood. I give people the benefit of the doubt and am not scared of anyone until after I meet them.

Well, I met a guy that scares me. He's in one of my dance classes, and I am totally freaked out by him. He dances in my space, totally breaking my personal bubble (sure, dancing does that, but he's all over me). The guy watches me constantly if I'm dancing with another boy, follows me around the dance floor as much as possible, and stands near me at every possible moment if I'm not dancing. Sure, you probably think I'm making this up, overreacting, or just wishing I had someone that did that, but I can't make someone that creepy up. Seriously, I fear for my life when I'm around him. It's a gut reaction. I trust my gut without question. This dude is weirder than weird.

My self-defense skills are rusty at best... a few guys have been kind enough to teach me a little bit about how to defend myself, but I wouldn't be safe at all alone in a dark area. Granted, I've never been attacked like that, so I'm not sure how I would react (probably pretty violently), but when I'm wrestling with my guy friends, I don't stand a chance (or maybe I just like to let them win, muahahaha).

But yeah, this dude creeps me out. He stuck around at the end of the dance tonight waiting for me to walk past him on my way to the only exit door. He stood behind me about 10 feet, just watching, waiting, watching, creeping me out. I asked a friend to walk me to my car; it was parked right next to the building we were in. He kindly agreed and did so--the creepy guy apparently gave up because he was not standing behind me after ten minutes of me clinging to any other male in sight. Locked the car, drove home quickly too. Just too weird. I feel completely terrified of this guy, and I've never had this reaction to someone. EEK!