Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Food List

A very long, definitive list, for those inquiring minds that want to know. These are the foods I will or will not eat.

FRUIT: Not a big fan...

Apple, Yes. Gravensteins and sour, juicy apples; will eat them cooked

Apricot, No.

Avocado, No. No way!

Banana, Yes. Raw or cooked, in bread, on cereal, anytime really...

Breadfruit, No.

Cantaloupe, No.

Cherry, Yes. Not a favorite, but I will eat them.

Coconut, No. Absolutely not!

Date, No.

Fig, No.

Gourds/Squash, No.

Grape, Yes. Red, green, seedless or not, yes please.

Grapefruit, No.

Honeydew, No.

Kiwi fruit, Yes. Fully ripened, raw, skinned.

Kumquat, No.

Lemon, Yes. Lemon flavorings appreciated, but I do not eat whole lemons.

Lime, No.

Mandarin, Yes. Only with sugar.

Mango, No.

Orange, No.

Papaya, No.

Passion-fruit, No.

Peach, No. No, absolutely not.

Pear, Yes.

Persimmon, No.

Pineapple, No.

Plum, Yes. Raw only.

Pomegranate, No.

Pumpkin, Yes. Only as in pie.

Rhubarb, No.

Starfruit, No.

Tangerine, No.

Watermelon, Yes. I could eat myself sick on watermelon. In fact, I have.


BERRIES: I know there are many other kinds of berries out there. I also know that Strawberries aren’t really berries. General rule: “berry” flavored things are good, but berries themselves are not.

Blackberry, No. I will eat a few, every once in a while... if they're sweet.

Blueberry, Yes. In muffins or pancakes, okay.

Cranberry, No.

Marionberry, Yes. I know this is not a true berry. But I like it, so shove off.

Oregon Grape, Yes.

Raspberry, Yes.

Salmonberry, Yes.

Strawberry, Yes. YES, YES, YES! But only plain or with cream or ice cream.


VEGETABLES: Raw, crisp, and clean. Often enjoyed with ranch dressing.

Asparagus, No.

Bell Pepper, No.

Broccoli, Yes. Mmm, any way you can cook it, with or without cheese or ranch.

Brussels Sprout, No.

Cabbage, Yes. Raw only.

Carrot, Yes. Raw only.

Cauliflower, Yes. Raw only.

Cayenne Pepper, No.

Celery, Yes.

Chile Pepper, No.

Chive, Yes.

Corn, Yes.

Cucumber, No.

Dandelion, No.

Eggplant, No.

Garlic, Yes. In small quantities.

Green Bean, Yes. Raw or cooked, but not with anything else.

Iceberg Lettuce, Yes. Raw only.

Kale, No.

Leek, Yes.

Olives, No.

Onion, Yes. As long as I can't taste/see them.

Pea, No.

Pickle, No. Okay, I do eat dill pickles when I'm in the mood.

Potato, Yes. YES! Any way but baked.

Radish, Yes. Raw only.

Shallot, Yes.

Spinach, Yes. Raw only.

Tomato, No. NEVER EVER. I do eat tomato products though, as long as tomato chunks are not present.

Yam, No.

Zucchini, No.


GRAINS: I love breads and grains! There is no better way to put it than “mmmmm!”

Barley, Yes.

Oats, Yes.

Rice, Yes.

Triticale, Yes.

Wheat, Yes.


SPICES, SEEDS, and FLAVORINGS:

Allspice, Yes.

Anise, No.

Basil, Yes.

Bay leaves, Yes. I can't eat them, but they add good flavor.

Caraway, Yes.

Cardamom, Yes.

Cilantro, Yes.

Cinnamon, Yes. Mmmm, with sugar and butter and rolled into spirals...

Cloves, Yes.

Coriander, Yes.

Cumin, Yes.

Curry, No. No. No. No.

Dill, Yes. I like it in bread, but it's not my favorite.

Fennel, Yes.

Horseradish, No.

Mint, Yes. Is there a "Hell Yes" option?

Mustard, No. NEVER EVER, NO WAY, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Nutmeg, Yes.

Oregano, Yes. What can't you put this on?

Paprika, Yes. ...on potatoes and other potato-y things

Parsley, Yes. The herb that really tastes like nothing!

Pepper, Yes. As in, black pepper. I put this on just about everything.

Peppermint, Yes. It's like mint, but mint-ier.

Poppy, Yes. Only good in muffins.

Rosemary, Yes.

Sage, Yes.

Sesame, Yes.

Spearmint, Yes. The green mint. As opposed to toothpaste?

Thyme, Yes.

Vanilla, Yes.


BEANS:

Beans of any kind, No.


NUTS:

Almonds, Yes. More yes than no, but I'll pick them out if I can.

Filberts, Yes. How could I not like them!?

Macadmia, Yes. Why do I have to love the expensive nuts?

Peanuts, Yes. Not really a nut. But called a nut. I like peanuts.

Walnuts, Yes. Unless they're bitter - because a bitter walnut is nasty.


MEAT: Always cooked completely (well-done), never canned, and no sauces or marinades. Pepper and salt okay, and ketchup will probably be applied.

Antelope, No.

Bear, No.

Bison/Buffalo, No.

Caribou, No.

Cattle, Yes. I will not eat veal, however.

Chicken, Yes.

Clams, No. Okay as clam strips with ketchup.

Crab, No. I will eat it if I know who cleaned it and where the crab lived.

Crayfish (Crawdads), Yes. But only the pinchers.

Deer, Yes.

Dog/Fox, No.

Duck, No.

Elk, Yes.

Fish, Yes. Halibut and Mahi Mahi preferred, no salmon.

Frog, No. Also does not taste like chicken.

Goose, No.

Horse, No.

Insects, No. Do I even have to say why?

Lamb/Sheep, No. Just doesn't seem right to eat these...

Lobster, No.

Moose, No.

Mussels, No.

Oysters, No.

Pig, No. Occasionally, I will eat pork, although I do not love it.

Rabbit, No.

Scallop, No.

Shrimp, Yes. I'm drooling...

Snake, No. Does not taste like chicken.

Turkey, Yes.

I don’t eat condiments, including mayonnaise, mustard, barbecue sauce, soy sauce, or teriyaki sauce. I do not eat most kinds of gravy, and then I only put gravy on potatoes and meat, never on bread or biscuits. I do not use butter unless I’m making hash browns or toast and need the cinnamon and sugar to stick to the toast.

I only eat cheese that comes from cows, and my cheese must be firm. Cheddar (mild to sharp, or smoked), colby-jack, havarti, provolone, mozzarella, parmesan, and ricotta, occasionally cream cheese on toast or bagels, and cottage cheese are pretty much it. Milk, equally, must come from cows, and I only consume 1% or skim very cold on cereal. I do not drink milk.

As for sweets and treats... I like cake over pie any day, and chocolate-covered chocolate is great in my book. I do not discriminate by color of chocolate, but I do tend toward milk chocolates more than others. White chocolate is excellent as well. I’ll eat cookies as long as they do not contain raisins or the aforementioned “bad” fruits. I love both caramel and peanut butter, but never the two together. Mint and chocolate were made for each other, and for my tummy. I chew only sugar-free gum—though I do chew a lot of it.

Under no circumstances may ice cream touch cake or pie. This is unacceptable.

Beverages: Water. Diet Coke. Root beer (diet or not). Lemonade. Hot chocolate. That’s about it...

Casseroles are out. No one-pot meals except stew or soup. Pot pies are good.
Salad does not contain weeds. New rule. Learn it, love it, abide by it. Salad is green, contains lettuce and other garden vegetables. It does not contain dandelions, grass, or other things pulled from your yard. Salad also does not contain mayonnaise, noodles, or other things which veer from “green, lettuce-y and garden vegetables.” Tomatoes are not vegetables. Tomatoes are disgusting. Cheese, however, is allowed on a salad.

Anything else?

1 comment:

Dennis said...

I know this post is a year old, but those last few paragraphs had me cracking up.

"Weeds?" Seriously?

Ha!