Monday, February 12, 2007

What Is Happening to Me?

Today is my mother's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!

But Mom did not have a good day. Her father went to the ER yesterday and was admitted immediately. The doctors don't know what's wrong with him, but they buffed him up and discharged him today. Nothing they can (or are willing to) do. It nearly kills me to say it, but I wish he wouldn't suffer. Parkinson's Disease, the medications involved, Alzheimer's, and it's medications, and poor overall health are not a good combination. He's taking drugs just to fix what the other drugs do to him. Since Grandma doesn't feel (and isn't) capable of taking care of him right now, he will be released to a nursing facility as soon as possible. I am sad, hopeful, and weary of the situation all at once. Is that what being an adult does to a kid?

My boyfriend left town on Thursday for seven days. I am not a clingy girlfriend, and I have a life away from him, definitely. I've always had this with any boy, and I love my independence. Before, if a boyfriend said he was leaving for a week, I would usually celebrate the freedom or at least enjoy the space for a while. This time has been really hard, and I don't know why. I can't say that I'm in love (one month is far from enough time to make that determination for me), and I have had plenty to do to keep myself busy.

I guess I realized I miss my boyfriend a lot when I realized I was more worried about the next time I'd see him versus when my new computer would arrive, and I've wanted this new computer for months and months. I'm totally excited for it to come (hopefully tomorrow). But if he came back at the exact same moment, I'm not sure that new computer would exist.

What is happening to me?

2 comments:

cuttisark said...

Hi, I came across your journal and I love the way you write. Hope you don't mind if I read along.

Toodles! :)

Jaggy said...

Welcome, cuttisark!

My blog is more than a journal, less than a private website, and something like what I would be if I had wires coming out of my head into a computer. But I can imagine that would hurt a bit... oh dear.

Please feel free to wander and read--that's what I'm here for.

Welcome, again! :)