Saturday, March 10, 2007

I'm not Independent, nooooo...

A funny thing happened to me sometime this week: I started smiling again.

I thought I was happy in my last relationship. I thought I had a good time. The last few days, however, have taught me how happy I am being me. Not that I wasn't me while I was dating Chris, but we didn't often do "Jaggy" things. I spent more time trying to be comfortable when I wasn't, more time stepping out of my comfort zone than appreciating being in the moment. I realized just how little I've smiled in the last two months. Chris and I laughed together, but rarely in that goofy, stupid, illogically extrapolated logic that keeps me giggling for hours.

Last night, Emily, two guy friends, and I went out to dinner. We talked, we laughed, we teased... it was perfect. After dinner, we went dancing. I was a bit slow to remember how to West Coast Swing, but after a super-fast, spinning-until-I-dropped WCS with a great lead, I fell back into the groove better than ever. I smiled all night.

As Chris was dumping me Monday night, I made a comment about being worried that I wouldn't have someone around to help me break out of my shell, to keep me engaged and interacting with other people. You know what? It's a decision. I'm as outgoing as I want to be, happy and healthy, a great person with a lot to offer anyone I meet. I don't need a silly boy.

I'd be happy having someone I can rely on as a friend, someone that doesn't put me down because I'm not interested in the same things, and someone that understands the divine beauty of sitting in one spot for more than a nanosecond. But I don't need someone telling me who to be.

I'm not bitter or angry or anything but myself. Myself... for the first time in months. Smiling. :)

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