Saturday, March 24, 2007

Of Birds, Bees, and Remembering "The Talk"

I didn't come upon this subject by myself. With little required of me this weekend and a desire to absorb some mindless TV, I have taken to watching Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. This morning, an episode aired where Gene's daughter (jokingly, but directly) asked her father to explain The Birds and The Bees to her. He balked and fought and ended up not being able to do it.

Being a girl, my mother gave me "The Talk." I was on my way to a piano lesson when, out of no where, Mom asked me if I knew how babies are made. I was eleven. And I did not get any new piano music that week; I don't think I got new piano music for a month. Over the course of a few weeks, Mom explained the changes girls go through, various products we utilize, and finally explained how babies are made. Let me tell ya, at eleven, there was no way a guy was going to do that to me.

Over the next ten years, I survived puberty (complete with five years of braces, a few zits, and boobs that came out of nowhere at eighteen). The trauma experienced in "The Talk" passed, but Mom still has mini-talks with me on occasion. I don't know if she thinks I don't know things or if she's asking questions or if she's just trying to be motherly, but it's funny now. I have to humor her--it's her right to want to protect me from the big, scary world.

The show brought two questions to mind:
1. What would "The Talk" have been like with my father instead of my mother?
2. Are boobs (or whatever you call them) really that powerful?

The first question is probably more important, though of less intrigue to me. My dad is an engineer and thinks scientifically all the time. He's been exposed to a lot with two girls... and he's always been there if I ever wanted to talk to him. But what would he have said? How would Dad have approached that subject? Would he have used scientific terms or slang terms? Would he have done it himself, or would he have found another female (if Mom was unavailable)? Would he have taken it seriously, or would we have laughed the whole time? 99% of me is incredibly thankful my own mother was there to give me "The Talk."

And the second question is mostly for my readers to answer, since I'm not a guy. I've got boobs, and I must admit to having used them once or twice, but if I didn't have them, I'd be totally okay with that. At least I'd be able to run without pain or swing a golf club in a straight line... So, guys (and girls, I guess), are boobs really that powerful?

8 comments:

Thartill said...

Without making an ass of myself....yes they are powerful....for feeding babies....

Jaggy said...

Is the last part of that comment just to make yourself PC? Because I know the way to a man is not exactly through his stomach (though it's nearly as effective).

The idea that my breasts have yet to grow larger scares the crap out of me. I mean... I understand what they're for, but since I've never used them for that purpose, it's rather frightening.

TH said...

Well yes I have to be PC....but you obviously know the answer...you're a girl for heavens sake!

And if you are swinging a golf club with the correct posture, they shouldn't be in the way unless you are a Pam Anderson type, which you appear not to be unless that is a picture before you turned 18....and as to running, don't they sell products for that?

Jaggy said...

I have only golfed once, and I was probably twenty or so... I'm really good at hitting the ball straight for about 100yds--when I actually connect with the ball. That connecting part is the hard part for me. LOL, no, I'm quite average by most standards. As for running, well, I generally dislike running. There are products that are supposed to hold the girls a bit tighter - but what fun is that? I'll stick to dancing, that way I can dress them up! :D

The Guy Who Writes This said...

I'm just going to let you two be alone here...

Mom of Three said...

Me too, Guy. I feel like a voyeur.

However, I will say one things: If you want to know the true power of boobs, watch the South Park where Bebe gets them.

Jeff Waddell said...

Ah yes, that episode captured the power of boobs very well.

Jaggy said...

I happen to remember someone liking my boobs very much, Mr. Jeff...

So you truly do know their power. :P