Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Do I Have the Courage?

A few weeks ago, I was cleaning my desk drawers out when I ran across some writing I had poured forth when I was a young girl. The handwriting looked different, and the word choice was poor, but the message and themes were exactly the same. I am ashamed that my personal growth has not been more complete in the transition to adulthood. Unwilling to go through this again, I've found myself at a crossroads: either I can silently suffer and move on with my life like always, or I can unearth the massive fossil of emotion and let it go. This blog is a place for me to explore my thoughts and feelings, and I don't write for any one audience. The thing holding me back is that I've not spoken about the subject before, and I'm not sure I want to unearth it. This issue is perhaps too intense for one post or a series of short posts, so convoluted and deeply woven into my being that explaining it brings injustice to the other parts of me.

Know that this post comes with a loud sigh as I dig deep into the Memory Warehouse, pulling out the good and the bad. I wish I had some uplifting post tonight, but I don't. I'm looking for some courage.


Anonymous said...

courage may have little to do with it. you say you don't write for anyone, but you *know* that people will read what you write. are you willing to tell people something that may be very personal? or are you trying to decide if this is less personal and you want people to know?

don't feel like you have to write what you're feeling HERE. you can always just talk to someone.

crallspace said...

There've been pains of mine that I've tried to let go of... in some ways I feel I have, but obviously, not completely. I don't know how to wash it completely, permanently.

Looking to past writings is an interesting window to the past, isn't it? I have notebooks from high school- all very disturbing.

Hey, if you go to farmer's market much, it'd be cool to meet you. SAT, along the river, I'm usually at the open forum, south of the fountains. Come check us out. That would be nice.

Take care.

crallspace said...

Oops... we meet from 11a-1p.