Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sports are SO not my thing

People spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on sporting equipment and game tickets. They watch and rewatch matches, place bets, and shout themselves hoarse about a contest.

I don't get it. I do not understand why people are drawn to watching or playing sports. My parents urged my sister and me to participate in organized sports growing up, although our lack of athleticism usually got us laughed off our teams... we both played basketball, and I played softball one year. Even though I never lost a game while on any team, I didn't have many positive experiences.

The whole idea of some sports makes zero sense to me. Take a look at basketball, baseball, golf, or swimming (I'd pick on soccer, but I'm afraid too many people would want to kill me):

Basketball: Five people on one team try to get the ball in one hoop more times than the other five people on the other team get the ball into their hoop. Halfway through the game, the teams switch hoops. And the people don't walk between hoops carrying the ball, oh no. They have to run and dribble the basketball at the same time. The physical act of putting a ball into a hoop isn't necessary for survival. Bouncing a ball also has no use in any other activity we encounter. And watching this game... it's back and forth, back and forth... for two hours.

Baseball: Get this, if you're the batter, someone is going to try to throw a ball close to you without actually hitting you a few times, and if you're lucky, you can try to use the skinny stick in your hands to hit the ball as hard as you can. Then, it's your job to run as fast as you can to these other three little white bags in a huge circle before the other team can hit you with the ball or get the ball to a bag before you get there. If the other team touches you with the ball, you're out. If they do this to the batter after you, that person is out. There are three outs to an inning per team, and nine innings. Throw the ball, hit the ball, run around in a circle, let the other team try it... zzzzzzzzzzz.

Golf: Okay, you're playing by yourself this time. You get this tiny ball and a bent stick. Your goal is to smack the ball as hard as you can in a relatively straight line in the attempt to get the ball into a little tiny hole in the ground a few hundred yards away with water, sand, grass, bushes, and trees in the way. Easy, right? HA! You get to do this eighteen times! (Yes, I've heard Robin Williams, so don't send me any links to his hilarity.) I've played golf, and I still don't understand the draw to this sport.

Swimming: it's a survival skill, not a sport. Get over it.

I have nothing against people with the physical skills to do these sports, and some sports actually have merit. Track and field events bore me to no end, but I do believe these events are truly sports. I love watching martial arts and gymnastics. The human body is a miraculous thing, and these two sports highlight how powerful a body can be when conditioned.

Sports are not my thing. I don't often watch sports on TV, and I don't like going to events. Perhaps it's my uncompetitive nature or some wiring gone wrong... I don't know.

Quick, get me a giant bucket of Gatorade for me to throw on someone!!!

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