Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Dear Mr. Gas Station Attendant

Thank you for the prompt service. But seriously, what was that? I know you know how to do a better job. I've seen you do a better job. Was today an off day? Are you doing okay? Next time you try to wash my windows that way, I'll beat you over the head with your squeegee.

Washing a car's windshield shouldn't be that hard. You pull the squeegee out of the bucket-dealy-bob and smear the solution on the window--and I mean all over the window, not just a dab here and there like you exhibited tonight. Then you push the soapy water around a little bit in the hopes of knocking loose whatever carbon-based organisms were unlucky enough to fly into my warpath. Still with me? Then you turn the squeegee over. I know you had trouble with that little detail tonight... you had me concerned there for a bit. Next, beginning at the top of the window (not the bottom--didn't they teach you this?), you wipe horizontally from the center out. Effective squeegee-ing takes a little bit of pressure, but don't push too hard. After the first row, begin the second pass overlapping the first by a couple inches. Continue down the windshield in this manner until you reach the wiper blades. Did you know those things move? You can move them yourself even. You... LIFT! and they move. Terribly difficult, but stick with me. One last pass removes the rest of the water and soap from the windshield. Replace the wiper blade gently, and repeat this process on the opposite side of the car. See? Beautiful!

Next time, instead of attempting to quasi-wash 80% of my windshield and leaving most of the water behind, you'll know exactly what to do. So remove your empty head from your lazy ass AND TRY AGAIN!

Thank you.

1 comment:

WHIT-O-RONI said...

LOL!!! oh my gosh... on the floor... rolling... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

LOVE IT!!