Friday, November 30, 2007

Stepping on my Own Toes

In a few minutes, I'll be headed across town for the last dancing event of the year. How will I survive a month and a half without waltzing or Lindy-hopping? Thankfully, I'll continue to help a friend teach some short weekend lessons. Without those few moments, December is looking grim. I really don't like my friends leaving town, but the nights home alone will do me some good.

I've been rather depressed all week, and I wish I could blame it on the Usual Suspects (boys, money, or PMS), but that would be a lie. I don't suffer from PMS, today was payday, and I'm going to be in some guy's arms in half an hour. Life should be a crazy-fun time right now. It's not, and I'm not happy.

Last night, I had a chat with someone that taught me more about myself than I wanted. He's told me several times this same thing, and it's finally starting to sink in. His words cut deeply. I would have gotten defensive, but I don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. The problem lies entirely within me.

The final blow of the week was realizing that I'm afraid of myself.

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