Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Post that Makes No Sense

I don't blog while intoxicated very often. That's because I rarely drink. But for some reason, tonight, after my fifth Edward Norton movie in a row, I figured, "what the hell?" Sorry if none of this makes any sense. I'm warm for the first time in two days.

I went to the store this afternoon and spent $20 on pop. Just Diet Coke, to be truthful. I'm a hopeless addict. Not sure why I felt like sharing that... but until I met Mom and Grandma for lunch in Albany, it was the most significant part of my day.

No dancing lately. I'm in withdrawal. My mood is growing more foul by the day, although craft projects are helping to keep me sane. I'm told there are a few dancing opportunities in Tigard this weekend, but I don't think I can afford the steep admission costs. First you have to pay to learn the dances in classes or lessons, and then they make you pay to show up and actually dance. Sheesh!

I sat in the tub for a while tonight, just laying there submerged. The world was quiet for a few minutes. No stresses, no pressures, nothing to keep my mind occupied. All the built-up tension left my shoulders finally. It was almost as good as a massage... one of those oily, relaxing ones. mmmmmmmm.

People are trickling back into town. As much as I've felt lonely and bored while they've all been gone, part of me relished the solitude. Even though I love dancing and being around people, the whole gig wears me out. I really am a homebody. With a mean sense of adventure.

Not making much sense in my head... alcohol screws with my emotion-colors. I am probably a mean drunk if I ever get that far. Funny, though, that I managed to get through four years at a "party school" college with frat-boy and sorority-girl friends, two pro-but-safe-drinking roommates, and I've never been drunk. Not once. I've been pretty tipsy, but no puking, no hangovers... I've never bought alcohol for myself at a bar--and only one, then, for my sister on her 21st. I wonder if alcohol makes me a better dancer.

And here I am. Not contemplating the mysteries of the universe with others. Not laughing or playing games with friends. I'm home, alone, neither happy or sad. Wish there was some great purpose in this post, but I don't have one.

In a non-materialistic sense, sometimes, it feels like I don't have much at all.

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