Monday, December 31, 2007

"Thank God Christmas is Over" (aka: Jaggy's Post-Christmas Rant)

My heart is no longer in the season. I don't care about your Christmas loot, your Uncle Ralph's big fish story, or your fantastic sugar cookies. The whole build-up to Christmas was all about what people were getting for someone else, how much they spent, and how the season was for giving. Two days later, it's me, me, me! "Look what I got!" and "How much did I score!?!" While I did have a fantastic draw--don't think I'm down because I didn't get anything (I made off like a fucking bandit)--I'm so glad it's all over.

When was the last time you saw other people with tasteful Christmas decorations? Seriously. Oh, sure, my house was tastefully decorated. I put up a full nativity scene (including a horse, goat, two pigs, and a boat--WTF?) in the front yard next to the giant inflatable snow-globe, six fake spiral trees, two wire deer, and oversized holiday greeting card. You know what? I long for the days when people put up a simple string of normal-sized lights along the gutter. Easy. Even a string of mini-lights set on the "chase" mode. None of the rope lighting, none of the lawn ornaments, and especially none of the icicles or net lighting. LEDs are cool, sure, but all things in moderation. No need to give your position away to Mars, right?

It's starting to feel like one o' Mr. Guy's rants over here. Whee! Keep reading...

Not all sugar cookies are created equal. True. But your cookie recipe is the best in the world? HA! Unless you spend your days in a bakery or have Super-Granny skills in the kitchen, I seriously doubt the validity of your ultra-cookie-baker status. I know. I've eaten a lot of sugar cookies. Know who's recipe is the best? Not yours.

Did anyone actually find a good deal on anything for the holiday? I was in store after store looking for those ├╝ber-bargains touted in all the ads. While I did get a handful of stuff marked 50% off, I noticed the price mark-ups to be pretty steep in the first place. They're not sales until I feel like I'm getting my money's worth. That, dear friends, is what a capitalist market is all about: supply and demand. Until your supply price meets my demand price, no sale!

And while I'm on the warpath, what is this BS I hear about Santa being overweight? Some U.S. government agency wants Santa to slim down to promote a healthier image to young children. He's a fat, jolly, IMAGINARY guy in a red suit. Build a bridge and get over it. While I admire the principle, I think there are bigger problems in the world than how far Santa tips the scales.

Maybe if his sleigh wasn't full of so much overpriced, breakable, electronic shit and cardboard-flavored sugar cookies, he'd fly a little bit faster through the air, burn less reindeer gas, and deliver presents to your bratty kids earlier.

Happy New Year! :)

4 comments:

elle said...

ummmmmmmm dare I say Happy New Year???? LOL. Your rant is right up my alley! Which would be the house nextdoor to the house with the giant snowglobe, the huge gingerbread man, and 8 glowing angels which look suspiciously like aliens.
As for me and my house....well we hang a string of icicle lights and call it a day.

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for a little over a year now. From what little I know of you in real life (yes I have met you, you probably dont rember me thats ok) you are very honest, and to the point, both very very good things, and tonights post is classic A+ in my book. I know you dont drink but very rarely, but I toast you to the end of a year, good or bad, Im thankfull its gone. Chears!

The Guy Who Writes This said...

What? I took it easy on Christmas this year, only three posts.

I wish you love in 2008, Jaggy.

Jaggy said...

Elle: thanks for stopping by! Alien angels are scary. I especially don't like it when they're floating from a tree and a bit see-through.

Anonymous: I see your pings often. Thanks for coming back to read--I'm glad you enjoy my blog. Why would you think I don't remember you? If you know me well enough to know that I'm "to the point," we've obviously talked longer than one dance. ;) If you'd like to share privately, my e-mail address is jaggy732 [at] gmail [dot] com. I'd love to hear from you.

Mr. Guy: LOL, I've heard some of your ranting... mine doesn't even come close. As always, I love reading your wit and musings with my breakfast every morning. Keep up the good work, and have a wonderful 2008!