Monday, December 24, 2007

Unspoken Words Speak Loudest

If you were to meet me on the street, you might find that I communicate quite differently in person than I do on the blog. Of course, this is true of any person. Who we are as humans cannot possibly be contained within the frame of an online journal or even a penned one (although the handwriting is more personal to be certain). At the same moment, our existence without the ability to communicate is trifling. The non-verbal communication of body language speaks when we cannot.

My friends and coworkers have informed me that my body language is peculiar. When the need arises, my "poker face" can win over even the greatest skeptics. Yesterday, I was making a joke with someone, and it took them several minutes to realize my jest. I must remember that some people--strangers--aren't as adept at reading me.

This ability might suggest that I'm a good liar, which is not true. If the matter is of grave importance, I am literally unable to contain a lie. In all things, I've found the truth easier (painful, ugly, and disgusting, also).

These are not masks. They are not false selves. I am always behind the expressions and gestures. Sometimes, though, in the effort of self-preservation or in order to avoid being asked questions, I may pretend that all is well when the contrary is true. Few people, only two non-parental-units in fact, have been able to crack this code. Until very recently, it was only one. This trait, the ability to see through the invisible walls... I find it wholly attractive.

That is, to say, I find people who have it within themselves to do the same, to recognize a front and stare it down, a genuinely delightful commodity. It's more than asking, "how are you?" or questioning my silence. The profound desire to understand and listen speaks more than my body language can overcome.

At times, I am an illusionist, creating the fa├žades people want to see. The misdirection is not to create false hope, but rather to entertain. The emotions are real, and the words are always true. I stand behind my actions at all times. Though I live my life as black and white, make no assumptions about me: nothing is as it seems.


Anonymous said...

Um, Merry Christmas!

*wiggles comfortably in chair*

Jeff W said...

Ya, sometimes I have to make it more obvious that I'm joking when I'm around people that don't know me very well.