Saturday, January 05, 2008

Funeral Today, Dancing Tonight

I took Friday off from work with the intention of spending it with family. Events transpired, and I ended up staying home alone all day. As much as I feel it's important to be with my family, I'm also glad I've been able to go through my grieving process alone.

I don't want to sound like I have the grieving process figured out or that it's easy for me--I don't, and it's not. However, after working with elderly people throughout college and befriending them shortly before their deaths, I've had to figure out how to move on time and again. I know that it's different when you're really close to someone, and I know it's a different process for each individual. My experience doesn't make things easier for me. I'm simply better equipped to deal with my emotions.

When Mom called me and told me that Grandpa had passed, I immediately felt two things: grief and relief. I, of course, am heartbroken that he's gone. Tears came to me before I could get off the phone. But then I realized that he is gone. Now that he's gone, I can talk to him and he'll actually hear me--something his diseases haven't allowed him to do in over a year. That was a nice feeling, comparatively. He may be gone, but now he's with me all the time.

Getting out the words into my last blog post was probably the most cathartic thing I did. Writing it took a couple hours, and I struggled to find the right words. Today, at Grandpa's funeral, I'm going to hear even more stories about a great man. Hopefully the stories won't make me cry... I've done too much of that already.

Afterward, if I'm feeling up to it, I'm going dancing with my friends. Grandpa square danced, and he always liked hearing me talk about learning to dance. While some of my family might not think going out for some fun is appropriate today, I think it's one more way I can remember him uniquely.

Sometimes my words are not enough: Grandpa's obituary from the Albany Democrat-Herald.

No comments: