Tuesday, March 04, 2008

A Year of Singledom. Oh joy.

I've officially been single a year now--a surprising and disheartening fact I realized tonight as I was reading through some old posts. While I'm not running from guy to guy by any means, this is still the longest I've been single since high school. The change is nice in many ways. I'm incredibly confident on my own, and I don't need a man to lean on all the time. I know who I am, what I want, where I'm going, and what I need. I enjoy having male friends, and I like not feeling guilty about spending time alone with any of them.

That said, I miss resting my head on a strong shoulder while I'm watching a movie, and I wish I had some nice guy to share a blanket with while I study or read or listen to music. I miss living for someone else, thinking about someone else, and relying on someone else. I miss the give-and-take and compromise that relationships need. I miss the hand-holding, the long glances across a room that draws a corner of my mouth up in a quiet smile, and the e-mails for no reason but to say, "hi!"

A whole year of "getting to know you" without forcing a relationship... I'm either learning and choosing boyfriends (and potential mates) more carefully, or I've suddenly turned into a monster. Both? Neither? I don't know. Just a reflection. I wonder what another year will bring.

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