Friday, October 17, 2008

Be Not Afraid

I'm not easily frightened.  When people come up behind me and try to scare me, they're usually disappointed that I don't jump out of my skin (no, that's not a hint).  I'm just not that kind of person.  I have phobias, sure, but I'm not easily intimidated or put on edge.

When asked the question recently, "what intimidates you?" I had to wonder for quite some time before I came up with anything.  For once, I wasn't in the shower when it hit me.  I happened to be walking from lunch back to work, just ambling along by myself kicking rocks and twigs as one of the first autumn rains fell.  I am not afraid of people, places, or actions.  That's not to say I'm not disturbed by or dislike some individuals, large crowds, or loud places: I'm just not imitidated by them.

I am initimidated by answers.

I worry more about having an answer I don't like than by the problem at hand.  It's like when you're waiting at the doctor's office for what you can only assume is the worst news.  Or when you've just asked that really cute boy/girl out and don't know what they're going to say yet.  Or when you're waiting to find out if you got a job.  Anything like those situations...  I don't fear the job interview as much as having someone reject me.  It's not about the rejection (they could just as easily hire me or want to date me).  It's about the finality of a question or problem.  Sometimes I don't want a good book to end.  I don't want to find out "who-dun-it" because the store is too good to put down.  I'm intimidated by the answers that cause things to come to an end, a period, a closed case.

I'm not afraid, but I am initimidated by these answers.  I shouldn't be.  But I am.

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