Monday, October 06, 2008

A Deep One about Success

When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up and be a writer. From those early days penning simple poems, stories, and letters to my college years being published to blogging, I suppose I've always held to that aspiration in some way. I've wanted to be other things, too. On and off, I figured I'd end up in the medical field. My family always pushed for that, and I do enjoy studying biology and human systems, but as I realized how little of a bedside manner I possess, most medical jobs fell to the wayside quickly. I wanted to be a teacher for a while... and in some ways I suppose I always will. My passion for educating falls short, though, and I don't think it would be fair to my students if I wasn't thrilled to teach every day.

There are so many things I still want to do, to be. I'm out of college, on my own, not tied down by children or a husband, and yet I'm not pursuing that "dream job" I hear my friends talking about. I have a job; why do I want another one? Maybe I'm not career-driven like the generations before me. I don't have grand plans to climb the ladder to manage two or ten or fifty people.

When friends or my parents or even coworkers ask me why I'm not running some scientific lab or making my millions managing dozens of people, I can't give them a good reason for not pursuing those avenues. I just don't make that kind of plan. It's not that I don't worry about money enough or that I don't think into the future about the kind of life I want... I do!

It seems to me that every time I make some plan for my life, though, the plan falls through. So I have things I want to do, things that would make me very happy (like marrying Mr. Wonderful, having kids, having grandkids (oh, I can't wait!), having a job outside the house, earning my keep, making people laugh every day...). I don't know where I want to work, what job I'll do, or what I will produce in those eight-ish hours a day.

Success, to me, isn't about making it. It's more about being satisfied with who I am, finding fulfillment in what I do, and being able to go home at the end of the day to love someone more than myself. If I can do that, my life will be complete.