Monday, April 06, 2009

Compare Compare

I've learned that I don't enjoy discussing my wedding plans with other brides-to-be (or even former brides-to-be). Somehow it ends up being a game of who can spend or save the most, who can have the biggest bash or be the most traditional, or some other odd comparison.

The thing I dislike most is advice. It comes from everyone: family, friends, coworkers, strangers, and even people online. They want to help me find the best deal on a reception location, the whitest flowers, the biggest wedding dress. People are invested in weddings. They think they get to have a say since other people had a say in their weddings.

It's hard to tell people to keep their ideas to themselves, too. The Boy and I have ideas of what we want to do and say at our wedding. We're designing this shindig together. The constant interference is annoying--especially when it's purposely rubbed in our faces. We do not need the name of your photographer, the super-awesome place where you got your goofy invitations, or the best way to arrange roses in centerpieces.

Our wedding isn't going to be like anyone else's. It's not going to be ultra-fancy or ultra-small ultra-anything. We're not like that. And we don't appreciate people comparing us to them or others. Don't judge us for not spending a fortune or going into debt. Don't judge us for being money-conscious or thrifty. Don't judge us for being traditional. Don't judge us for breaking rules of etiquette. Please stop trying to make us the "typical couple." We're not here to prove anything. Comparing us to others or yourself only makes you look bad.

(Mom, Dad, Future Mom, and Future Dad, we absolutely value your input. The four of you, and only the four of you, may feel free to disregard this post. Thank you for the advice and support!)


Anonymous said...

The wedding day is for you and Mr Wonderful, Key word is YOU!

I wish you both the best with all the planing and the big event when it does come.

cm0978 said...

May I say a word in defense of the interferers? A wedding is such a milestone in everyone's life that, when hearing of another person going through this rite, others remember their special day. They are really talking about their day and all they learned and experienced. Talking about it with you allows them to reminisce. That's the only time they can because otherwise no one wants to hear about it! If you think it is bad now, just wait until you get pregnant -- the whole world owns you then. It's just best to let it go in one ear and out the other. (Of course, it DOES provide fodder for the blog!)

Jaggy said...

Don't feel bad about sharing your experiences, cm0978. You're one of the four I actually WANT to hear ideas and advice from. The Boy and I are thrilled to have any and all help from you we can get. Thanks so much for the comments, not to mention everything else.