Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Still Growing Up

After a very difficult week last week and a trying start to this week, I spent a few emotional moments on my bed last night. The Boy and I are finally starting to grind our gears as well. I knew we couldn't last forever without fighting, so I guess I'm actually glad we're at the point we are. Thankfully, we are both mature and handle things fairly well. At least we've managed to get through everything without much difficulty so far.

The subject matter isn't important. I'm not here to air dirty laundry. The point of my story is that I bottled up all of those emotions for days and days until they all came boiling out of me last night in a quiet, tearful moment. Some of those little things from long ago that I had hidden so deep inside me that I'd completely forgotten about them... they came up again too. The feelings haven't changed. Between work and relationships and trying to be a responsible adult, I still feel inadequate. I feel like I'm not good enough and that no matter how hard I try, the bricks will still crumble.

I'm still growing up. Realizing that is a hard pill to swallow.


cm0978 said...

To be honest, I don't think we EVER stop "growing up." And as for feelings of inadequacy, those don't go away either if you are sensitive to those feelings. (I'm presuming there is SOMEBODY out there who never feels inadequate because they have such a strong sense of their ego.) No words of wisdom from me, because I don't take my own advice on that subject.

Strayer said...

Go look at the stars on a black night. None of us are significant at all in this universe. We expect too much of ourselves and others. We are all nothing, all mess ups. None of us are good enough and it doesn't matter one tiny bit in the vastness of space and time. Have a great life. You're alive. And the Boy is alive. You don't have to be anybody or do anything. Sorry about the lecture. I'm really lecturing myself after a hard week.