Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Urine: Threat Level Orange

I am so sorry. Let's start with that, okay? I'm sorry. This entire post may cross some people's line of blog-appropriate. It very well may cross my line of blog-appropriate. But this post is true. It's about events that actually happened to me this weekend. Stop reading now if you want--that's fine--I'll be back tomorrow with less sensitive stuff. Close the window, go make dinner, and come back tomorrow.

For those of you that have chosen to stick around, I'd like to take this moment to inform you that I'm peeing orange. Not just a little off-color, but flaming napalm orange. The best part: it's a good thing!

You see, sitting in a car for eight hours a day, two days in a row, in addition to being pretty dehydrated, not having the option to pee whenever I wanted, and my genetic predisposition (thanks, Mom) all meant I was bound for a urinary tract infection.

First, let me describe my UTI history. When I was little, I told Mommy that it hurt when I went to the bathroom. She took me to see the doctor, he not-so-delicately shoved a catheter up me, and more or less cured me from ever telling her that it hurt to pee again. I've had a few UTIs in the last twenty-plus years, but none have required any sort of treatment other than drinking more.

Sunday morning, though, my urine was distinctly cloudy. By the time we stopped in Biggs, I was not feeling very well. At Bonneville Dam, I could tell there was blood in my urine. Sweet Tomates found me in a state beyond my blog-appropriate line. I informed The Boy that we'd be heading straight for immediate care in Corvallis instead of going home. Blood in urine seemed like a big enough deal to me to warrent a trip to professionals. We went straight there, I got to pee in a cup (not so easy, let me tell ya), and then we waited.

The doctor finally arrived, informed me that I wasn't dying, that I had a "massive urinary tract infection," and that I'd be feeling better soon. She gave me three prescriptions, asked if I had questions, and we were on our way. Easy cheesy lemony squeezy. Well, orange-y squeezy. You see, one of the drugs she gave me to make me stop hurting (and I hurt!), Phenazopyridine, makes me urinate NEON FREAKING ORANGE.

It's like someone filled me full of Tang when I wasn't watching, and now I am the Kool-Aid pitcher character running on hyperdrive. Just tip me over and pour me out!

Yes, I still hurt, but the hurt is much less now than yesterday. I'm not enjoying the horse pills, do NOT like having to swallow them, and really can't wait to be done with them. I'm sucking down juice, water, pop, tea... I don't even like tea. At least I should be better by the end of the week.

Well, except for my mental state. Peeing blazing orange... not as cool as I thought it would be.

1 comment:

cm0978 said...

Personally, thanks for the update. I was a little worried == Kevin doesn't USUALLY send anyone to the hospital. Chuck just groaned on the floor when Kevin gave him the ultimate.

Here's the preachy part -- try not to repeat this experience!!!!

Perhaps next time you could ask for a medicine that makes you urinate in a different color just for kicks -- neon green or something....