Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Total Mystery

I still have so many questions about the Catholic Church. You'd think that after a year and a half of studying and reading so much, I'd be an expert. The more I learn, though, the worse it gets. I crave more knowledge. I stay up waaaay too late reading, hunting for new information. Sometimes I pester The Boy with questions he doesn't know how to explain answers to... so I set out with the mission to help him learn to explain to me how he understands things.

I'm learning that sometimes there are no answers. That's hard for me. I'm constantly in search of answers, but some stuff is just a mystery. The Church even calls things "mysteries." My favorite example of a "mystery" is how God changes ordinary unleavened wafers and wine into the body and blood of Christ. Total mystery. I couldn't understand it at first, how someone would believe that what we see is not really what something is. Crazies, I thought, plain ol' wackos. But one day, I stepped outside myself long enough to say, "You know what, if this God I believe in is really so awesome and powerful, who am I to say that He can't make something look like something else? How come the wine can't be the blood of Christ? God's GOD: He can do anything, even control physics!" Total mystery, but at least I'm getting over myself.

When people ask me why I am choosing to become Catholic, one of the biggest reasons I give them is this: mystery. The Protestant faith(s), to me, have stripped out all of the incredible mystery and unknown that lies within the Church. We don't know some things. We can't explain everything. And that's OK!

As much as I keep telling myself that everything will be OK if I don't understand, I still question. I still seek. It's my nature to want to know more. Maybe that's even human nature. Again, total mystery. The only thing I've been able to realize time and again is that it's really not about the answers sometimes as much as having faith.

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