Monday, June 15, 2009

UnStrong

I've heard it said many times that people think I'm a strong person. What I think they see is the tough exterior and the stubborn facade, almost a mirage of sorts. What people don't see is the sometimes depressive, sometimes lonely, and often confused person underneath. I know we all present different faces to the world, and I know everyone hides "who they really are." It's worrysome to me, though, that my "intimidating" nature overrules the rare sweetness I can have.

As I move through big projects at work in the next few weeks, it's taking more and more of my strength to deal with frustrating situations and people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to speak poorly of a coworker on my blog. It's safe to say that I, just like everyone else, can get a little beleagured by certain people who seem to be living on a different planet (or galaxy?).

I know it's more proper to hold my words in and not say things to difficult people. But maybe it takes a stronger person to actually say something to someone when they are being poopy. Maybe it takes a bigger person to say, "Your services could be better used sorting cotton balls in a mortuary." Okay, maybe not, but holding my tongue isn't getting me anywhere, and getting frustrated internally only fuels the fire.

I'm not the kind of person that will fight for something. I'm not the kind of person who will go out on the picket lines or stand up and yell when I'm being trampled. So, to me, the idea that I'm a "strong person" seems unfair. Being strong-willed doesn't make me a strong person. It just means I know what I want. Stubborn isn't the same as strong.

I really wish people could understand that.

1 comment:

cm0978 said...

That's a very important distinction. Also it can be easier to be "strong" or "strong willed" with family or close friends than it is to be that way around other people. Does it benefit you to be "strong" if that is synonymous with aggressive? I don't think so. And does it make you feel better to be strong when it blows up in your face? I've had that experience and that leads me to be less "strong" with most people. I guess I'd rather be liked than be the winner.