Thursday, September 10, 2009

"You Hope"

I was recently in a conversation with another woman. She likes to give me advice (unsolicited) about marriage (she's unmarried), especially advice about married life and what to expect (ha!). Our conversation led to the fact that I'm about to change my name. I expressed my frustration about how many documents I have to get in order before I can even attempt to go to the government, which I'll have to do before the DMV, the bank, even my Safeway card. It seemed so easy to get the driver's license in the first place, but to change one little part of my name is like going to war. I pronounced, "I'm never doing this name change thing again." To which the woman replied, "you hope" without so much as a hint of emotion or jest.

I brushed it under the rug. No sense making waves over something that probably wasn't meant to mean anything in the first place. Later, thinking on it, I realized just what an awful thing that is to say to someone who is about to be married!

OF COURSE I hope I never have to change my name again. I am not walking into my marriage with the hope that I'll cheat or lie or be greedy. I don't want my marriage to fail. What kind of person would I be if I wanted to change my name again, to end a marriage? And then there's the even worse idea that something might happen to Mr. Wonderful... I can't even bear to think about it. Yes, things happen, but I think that loving him with all my heart, losing him, remembering him, and possibly learning to love again would be the only reason I'd "want" to change my name.

"You hope." No shit, lady. I hope there isn't one day I live without him, nor he with me. Isn't that the point of getting married? To be in it for the long haul, to want to be together through the bad times and the good? And you know what else? I don't just hope. I don't merely hope that we survive together.



MissKris said...

Amen. And it CAN be done, Jaggy. Don't let the naysayers get to you. They're just jealous.

cm0978 said...

It definitely takes commitment -- and the ability to have a poor memory when necessary to forget the little hurts along the way. If you share core values, which you two do, it's a lot easier because you have a strong foundation.

Skunk said...

Maybe someone is implying that they think you are making a poor decision in getting married, ever think of that?