Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wedding Rant: The Little Stuff

Wedding Rant Week has finally come to a close. On today's menu, a smattering of little rants that didn't fit in any other categories.

Flip flops are not appropriate wedding attire for anyone, especially the wedding party. Unless the wedding is literally on a tropical sandy beach, keep the flip flops in the closet. Seeing the bride or groom in flip flops makes me think they either ran out of money or don't take the day seriously. I know it's "just footwear," but that's my point: wear shoes. Wear nylons or socks. The day (hopefully) happens only once in a lifetime. Show up dressed like you mean it.

Wedding invitations should be sent out between six and eight weeks before the wedding. Anything earlier than that should be a "save the date" card or postcard (not magnet with your ugly mug on it!). Anything later should include apologies for the delay or complete lack of etiquette. The timing of wedding invitations has been a long-held tradition for a reason.

RSVP does not mean "respond if you feel like it." If someone sends you an RSVP card with postage attached, send it back with your reply. If they tell you to go to their website and reply, DO IT. Even if you have to call the couple a week beforehand and look bad, call them. Call their parents or siblings. Send an e-mail, a Facebook message, a smoke signal. RSVP promptly if you can, but respond anyway if you're late.

If you do happen to purchase one of those DIY wedding invitation kits, take the time to trim the perforations off the edges. Nothing screams cheap like perforated invitations.

Ribbons are for babies, little girls, and presents. Do not, do Not, do NOT put a little ribbon on your invitation. "Hi, I'm trying to be crafty but I don't really know how to be crafty, so here's a little ribbon accent to show my complete uncraftiness. I had my thirteen year old sister tie them on. I bribed her with alcohol. Sorry the ribbons don't match either the invitation or our wedding colors, it's all I had in my drawer."

And finally, drinking too much. It's one thing to be festive on your wedding day, but keep it together. Life is just beginning anew, so there's no reason to binge the night away. If there is reason to binge, it's probably not a good thing. Start sober. Start with respect and dignity, not puking your guts out on the wedding night. Enjoy your new spouse away from the porcelain god.

Happy weddings to all! Okay, happy well-prepared, indoor, un-overburdened, non-sand-ceremony, no long waiting, anti-1 Corinthians 13, no throwing things, that-you-can't-help-but-spend-a-fortune-on-because-the-chips-are-stacked-against-you wedding! :)


Skunk said...

Hey, you can not wear nylons and still look respectable... :)

Jaggy said...

I'll agree IF the dress is full-length and the bride at least shaved her legs.

(I didn't wear nylons either, but I did have on socks for dancing on the gym floor.)