Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Wedding Rant: Throwing Things

It seems that several things get thrown at a wedding. I'm not really sure where the tradition of throwing things started, but the list is long and varied: rice, confetti, bird seed, bubbles, firework popper thingies, silly string, cake, flowers, and the garter.

Many churches have banned many of the things that get thrown at weddings. Some churches don't allow flower petals to be thrown down the aisle before the bride's entrance. Some churches don't allow rice or birdseed due to clean-up and the potential for an elderly person to slip on it. Some churches don't allow the biodegradable confetti as it creates a mess for a few days until heavy rains set in. I did read of one church that even banned bubbles because they can lead to a sticky, sudsy sidewalk. Furthermore, the newlywed couple either gets the thrown crap down their clothes or bubbles stuck all over them (cleaning bill for that, plus it can ruin some fabrics--not something a couple should have to deal with on their big day). I'm a firm believer than all of the throwing of things can be done away with as the couple leaves the wedding or reception. Ring small bells or whistle or clap... less cleanup, plus much happier in the end.

The Man and I agreed before we even got engaged that there would be no cake throwing or smashing on our wedding day. How rude is it to smash cake in your new husband or wife's face? Seriously, I want to smack people when they do this. Way to start a new life with tenderness and respect!

Flowers weren't made for throwing. Have you ever been to a wedding and seen the single women clamor to catch the bouquet? Not when it's being tossed, but just to go up and stand in the clump of other single (read: loser) women? I don't know any woman who wants to catch the bouquet. The notion that the woman who catches it will be the next to get married is complete crap. Often a flower girl happens to dive for it, a four or five year old girl. She emerges victorious with visions of herself in a flowing white princessy gown tossing a bouquet of her own. Next year. Yeah-freakin'-right. What about the weddings where there aren't many single women? Should the two women who are single be forced to fight it out? What about women who are there with boyfriends or fiances? What about widowed women? I can't stand this tradition, and I'm very thankful we "forgot" to do this at our wedding.

Aaaaaand the garter toss. All of the eligible bachelors line up to catch the bride's garter in the hopes that they might "get lucky" tonight. I am pretty sure that any of the married men in the room stand a better chance of "getting lucky" than any of the guys who end up catching the garter. What if a ring bearer happens to catch it? How is his mother or father going to explain what that means? Again, thankful that we not only "forgot" the garter toss, but I didn't even wear a garter on my wedding day.

Nothing says "Happy Wedding" like catching a relative's lingerie. *shudder*

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