Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Politics, and I don't mean the government kind

One of the hardest things for me is being political. I don't mean talking about politics, I don't mean discussing government or voting, and I am not going to rant about the state of our dear Union. I mean to discuss how relationships and telling or not telling something can be political.

Pretend something happens to me (say I become pregnant). Who should I tell first? The Man, obviously, but after that. Do I call my mom or his mom or my sister or a grandma or friend... and what do I do if one of them is upset they didn't hear the information first? On top of that, I hate having to worry about telling one person who will blab it to the rest of the world before I even get a chance.

I don't like work politics either. I hate having to watch what I say and realizing that every word could be used against me later. I don't like the hierarchy of not being able to tell someone "above" me how I feel. I especially hate the politics of going around a difficult person to achieve a goal.

I am learning the politics of marriage. I'm not good at it, but I'm learning quickly. Marriage politics began with engagement politics: making everyone around me happy while still trying to craft the wedding we, two already stressed people, wanted. At least marriage politics are for a common good--one redeeming quality I can live with.

And I especially hate the politics of blogging. I hate not being able to rant and swear and say exactly what I want to say and have it broadcast to the world because "sensitive" people might hear "bad things." I can't blog about family, work, "real" politics, or marital problems because that might turn people off or make me look bad. I do choose to discuss religion on occasion, but I try VERY hard not to offend or proselytize. Sometimes I come home after a long day at work and just want to rant rant rant about the interactions or projects I experienced. Sometimes I want to tell the world I'm struggling in my role as a wife. Sometimes I want to say things like they are instead of sugar coating them until they're half-truths.

I was never very good at politics.


MissKris said...

That is why you start up a private blog strictly for yourself. Or be like me and say it anyway. I figure if those 'in the know' aren't strong enough to take it, they don't have to come read. Tho I'm not much of a ranter. But I'm human. It's gotten me in trouble a couple of times, but trouble passes. And besides, as with so many other areas of life, people aren't as involved in our blogs as we think they are. They're more focused on themselves. We humans are very selfish creatures. So, speak up, Mrs. Jaggy.

cm0978 said...

With all due respect to Miss Kris's experience and wisdom, I would caution about blogging about your work or marriage in case it could come back on you. Employers seldom have a sense of humor about themselves when they are discussed in a public forum. Even if you don't think they read and/or know about your blog, how terrible it would be for you if somehow they did read your views about how difficult they are. Save it for when you have a job at a different place!

I think Miss Kris is right in suggesting a private blog (the modern equivalent I suppose of a diary). Or pick a good confidant who can sympathize without blabbing. (It sounds like Miss Kris would be a perfect person for that -- enough distance from the situation to see things clearly).

The problem with the written word is that you can't put your emotions or all the background of the situation into the story. People misunderstand.

I do applaud you for wanting to be true to yourself. It is easier to be truthful than to try to remember what you said to whom. But you need to listen to your own heart -- as well as your rational head -- because you must live with yourself.

I am not a good one to advise because I have lived my life semi-worrying about the impression I make (even as I write this!). Good luck with your struggles. I guess that's what being an adult is.

MissKris said...

I gotta agree with cm0978...I would be the perfect confidant, haha! I have been Dear Ann Landers to everyone since as far back as I can remember, even my parents! I wouldn't advise THAT to any parent, tho...it's not fair to the child. As to what "cm" said about work and marriage, I can see THEIR wisdom and experience in that. I'm so long down the marriage road now that all the ups and downs and quirks and flaws...both his and mine...and irritants have pretty much been ironed out so I don't really have anything much to say about that anymore. I'm my own boss, so I put up with myself and feel free to rant at myself whenever I feel the need, ha! But I am also in the dark here as to who you know or are related to who has access to your blog, so my advice works for me but may not work for you. Even so, if you ever need an 'ear' to vent in, I'm here for you.