Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Marriage will NOT solve problems

As I've participated in weddings in the last few years and attended several others, I've been amazed at the number of people marrying in the hopes of solving their problems. I know one couple who married out of impatience, another who married to prevent the female from having to return to her parents' house after college, and one who had already had children and finally tied the knot rather than deal with a custody battle (happy day right there).

Marriage will not solve problems.

I had to think of my own marriage and the experiences I've had since last October. Marriage has not solved a single problem, and has, in fact, caused much difficulty and frustration.

Since I got married, or engaged in any case, I've visited a hospital approximately 400% more per year than before we met. My financial situation went from bad to worse (although now I have someone to share those difficulties with). My intelligence has been called into question numerous times, including about electronics and how to clean--things that were never a problem until The Man showed up. Speaking of cleaning, I used to clean about once every two weeks. I now have to clean more than once each week just to keep up. Other chores like cooking, doing the dishes, and even making the bed take longer and require more planning. Freedom--one of the things I relished upon moving away from my parents--has vanished. It's not that I don't get to choose what I want to do, but now I have to consult with someone about my plans early and often. Freedom can be approximated to living in a zoo: you're not really caged, but there's only so far you can go before you piss off something that can maul you to death. And then there is the intimacy, communication, and sensitivity that is a constant, nagging requirement. It's really hard trying to balance needs and wants, desires and nagging requests.

And that's just my side of the story: I'm sure he could write a book about his new problems too!

Marriage will not solve problems. Unless you're comfortable being alone, stupid, annoyed, hungry, poor, chained down, and with yourself as a person, I can't recommend marriage. It's going to be WAY too hard unless you're comfortable with you.

Thankfully we're both working very hard at trying to make our marriage successful. The one pay-off that I've been able to figure out is that, regardless of all the icky stuff, I have someone fighting on my side and in my best interest. There's someone to go home to, someone to be with, someone who cares. And that's everything.

1 comment:

Skunk said...

Amen! to your last paragraph! My Scruffy One is out of the country right now and it makes one realize how important and vital that last paragraph is to a person.

Having the temporary freedom back is kinda nice, though. :)