Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I've Had Enough, Funny Man

Has someone ever been super chipper to you, and you just wanted to punch them?  Ok, maybe not punch them, but make them feel a teesy-tiny-eenie-weenie bit of pain?  I did recently.  I was not a nice person to this guy in my head.  Thankfully my brain-to-mouth filter was in place and properly functioning, otherwise I might be blogging from a much less fun place right now.  What could he have done, you ask?  He was entirely too comedic for the job.

You see, I get to eat lunch out one day a week.  That's what The Man and I agreed upon, lunch out for each of us once a week.  It's not a controlling thing or a money thing, just a sort of reasonable limit.  Home food is usually healthier and cheaper anyway, so it's good.  Back to the story, I only get to eat out once a week.  I chose to head out on Monday this week since I knew I was making a big pot of soup and would have leftovers for the rest of the week.  Monday, right at noon, I dashed over to Burger King, my "favorite" fast food haunt (which ain't sayin' much, blah).  

As soon as I pulled in front of the little blue stand with the broken screen and crappy microphone, the loudspeaker erupted with "Goooooooooood morningafternooneveningdaytimehappyday! What can I get for youyesyouyesyou for lunch?"  A barf bag please

I told the voice what I wanted in simple words, "a plain cheeseburger value meal."    

"Uh... plain cheeseburger, like... just the meat, cheese, and the bun?"  Yes, wiseass, unless someone has redefined the definition of plain in the last twenty seconds.  I confirmed that I'd ordered exactly what I said.  

"Ok, what size would you like that value meal today, smallmediumlargejumboextrahugemegacolossal...?" Whatever size gets you to shut up!  

"Small?" I questioned.  

"Are youuuuuu suuuuuuuuure?" the voice parried.  ARGH, yes, yes, just stop talking!  

"Yessir, I'm sure."  

"Ok, what else can I get for you today?"  A stun gun, pretty please?  

"A side salad with ranch, no croutons please."  

Then I heard, "No croutons?  Plain cheeseburger?  I can take the ice out of your Diet Coke if you want."  Ass. Hole. 

"Thanks but just no croutons."  

"All right, that'll be five thousand six hundred..."  I think he caught my rolling eyes at that point and cut out the circus act.  Getting lunch shouldn't be an ordeal, especially in a drive-through.  There's something to be said for having enthusiasm at work, but please, save it for late at night or just with your coworkers.  Don't berate me for having it my way at your restaurant.  Less is more, people, less is more.

1 comment:

Skunk said...

I don't know if I've told you this already or not, but you seriously need to write a book or something. Your skills at narrative and dialog are wonderful! Great voice! You cracked myself, as well as The Scruffy One, up! :D