Thursday, March 10, 2011

So Much for Friends, So Much Indeed

The Man is a social guy.  He likes spending time with people.  He has really close friends that he doesn't get to see nearly enough, and he has lesser friends that seem to flake as often as possible.  For me to watch them turn down his offers of entertainment, food, and lifelong friendship is heartbreaking.  He tries so hard.  They don't even have the courtesy to tell him they won't be able to make it before the planned event happens.

One night, about two months ago or so, The Man set up a movie night to go see a movie in the theater.  Five or six friends were going to meet him there.  Had he not needed to switch theaters and contact everyone very shortly before the show started, he would have simply been stood up by all of them.  Each one, independent of the other, decided against letting him know in advance that they couldn't make it.  The Man and I stayed home, bummed, just the two of us, again.

Sometimes The Man will invite friends to our apartment.  He'll offer them dinner (which I will inevitably be cooking), yet they'll bail an hour or two beforehand.  The whole dinner thing is a major inconvenience to me as I usually need to make an additional trip to the store, buy larger quantities of food, and cook it.  And it's always super special when The Man gets a text message just as I throw a pan of food in the oven that his friends can't make it.

I know there are good reasons to break appointments.  I'm sure many of his friends had valid reasons.  But it's hard for me to believe that 90% of the scheduled events have fallen through for valid reasons each and every time.  And I wish, oh how I wish, that 90% of the scheduled events in the last six or eight months falling through was an exaggeration, but it's not.  We're lucky if we get people to do something with us once a month (outside of family, who are, not surprisingly, much kinder at sticking to plans).

We're nice people, generous to friends, and always willing to fill bellies with yummy food.  We've had a standing weekly appointment with one (good) friend, and he is always letting us know as far as possible in advance if he can't make it.  Likewise, if we need to reschedule, we tell him as soon as we know.  It's a matter of simple decency and respect!

I don't know how much more I can take.  If The Man's plans fall through again, he'll be devastated.  I'll be sad, too.  For him and for the friends missing out on a great evening.  Argh.


MissKris said...

I've been moving across country so haven't had time to come by for a long while. I saw this and just want to say this is a universal problem, no matter what the ages of the people involved. There seems to be a huge drop in common courtesy. I don't know why, if it just isn't taught in the home any more. I feel for you guys. It's happened to us at times, too.

Strayer said...

It is a universal problem. I can't tell you how many times I've sat here waiting for someone who said they're coming to adopt a cat and they never show up, never call, wasting my time. Takes a minute to call, text or e-mail.

Can't find volunteers either, who actually show up, or, if they promise to do something, actually do it.

It's a different world now I guess. I feel your pain. Must be hard to watch your man plan things with friends that never happen.