Friday, October 07, 2011

All The Bad Stuff All At Once

Sometimes I don't like blogging.  Sometimes I want to say things here that I know I shouldn't.  I want to swear.  I want to rant about how incredibly frustrating and annoying people, things, events, moments can be.  I want to rail against the stupid, the inept, the clearly-unable-to-process-oxygen.  I want to share with the world exactly what I do for a living and who my apartment complex manager/tormentor is and what, exactly, I think of politics, unions, and the justice system.

But I can't.

Because saying mean things about people isn't nice.  Because swearing isn't ladylike.  Because judging others isn't the right thing to do.  Because then nobody will want to read what I have to say, and even though I mostly write this here bloggy for me, I do quite enjoy people sticking around.

Because telling people who I am, where I live, what I do, and where I'm going isn't safe.

Because words can hurt.

There have been a few blog posts written over the years that haven't seen the light of day.  I just had one I wrote five or six times from scratch before I decided not to post it at all.  It is so hard to be in a position of wanting to share and knowing it just. isn't. right.  I feel like I want to rip that scab off one more time, let it bleed and fester, and then finally let it heal, but I know it won't help me, won't help my blog, and certainly won't help anyone else.

I don't really know what the lesson is in all of this, but it ain't an easy tongue to bite, that's for sure.


MissKris said...

Yeah....been there, done that. I wrote just a simple line about something once in a blog post honest one...that sent a family member over the edge and opened a can of worms that I don't think will ever completely go away. It did a tremendous amount of damage. Regret it?! Oh brother, do I. And the funny thing is, it had nothing to do with the family member who went ballistic. And those that it DID affect knew about it and it didn't bother them in the least until said person stuck their nose into it. Lesson learned. Another valuable lesson? Don't ever give out your blog address to face-to-face acquaintances without lots of careful consideration. In the emotional roller coaster of giving up our west coast life and moving to the midwest, I gave out mine to a lot of people I wish I hadn't. I no longer feel the freedom of being able to just put it all out there like I used to. But then I don't blog anywhere near as much because life since moving here has been SOOOOO hectic!! Even so, I don't like the feeling that people are reading over my shoulder, even tho they're almost 2400 miles away and what they think doesn't matter anyway because they can't really come up to me and voice an opinion that directly affects me. I will least the possibility is like zero...move back there. That in itself ought to be 'liberating' but I'm not one who'd ever want to intentionally hurt or upset anyone as it is.

cm0978 said...

The high road is never an easy walk, which is why, perhaps, that there are so few on it any more. Walk tall, Jaggy.